It’s been awhile since posting on my blog site, and I hope all are well. As I grow older, time disappears at a rapid rate. Fall flashed by and the next thing I know it’s the end of February. Where does all this time go? I’ve spent the winter revisiting my past. Not to recreate it, but to draw from it as I work on my next novel, Not Just My Mother’s Daughter. Writing this sequel to My Life as a Doormat is a labor of love. Spending hours within the archives of my memory, conjuring up recollections from a buried past is daunting. It is a bittersweet journey and the brick and mortar of my writing. (more…)
The suggestion of looking the other way, isn’t promoting or encouraging anyone to put their head in the sand and dismiss a harsh reality. Not recommending denial. The signature doormat behavior of people-pleasers is staying silent for fear of a confrontation. I’m not in favor of this at all. But, turning away from a situation that can not be changed by our involvement is different than staying silent for fear based reasons. (more…)
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Birthdays. We all have them, and although my emotions are a mixed bag of hope, reflection and self – doubt undermining my years of work on empowerment and self-worth; I still love my birthday! Milestone birthdays require at least a month-long acknowledgement, and major milestones must be celebrated for the entire year! (more…)
It is 2018. And for many the world is a challenging place. People seem more judgemental and when they try to stand up for themselves they are made fun of and ganged up upon when what is needed is validation. The situation feels contradictory to what we, at The Society for Recovering Doormats are working so diligently to overcome. (more…)
The holidays are tough for many recovering doormats. If you’re at a gathering where known manipulating narcissists are present, please keep in mind these 4 tips to avoid slippage and backsliding into doormatish behavior.
- Do not accommodate.
This is the number one behavior to stay vigilant about. Remember, the word NO is your best friend; everyday, and especially during the holidays. Remember to enforce your boundaries because if left unguarded the danger of backsliding into mattish behavior is imminent. (more…)
I’d been a people pleaser since childhood. Being a polite, caring, thoughtful, kind and non-confrontational person was ingrained by my Mother. I didn’t know there was an alternative way to behave and treated everyone with respect and love; except myself. Years of this behavior chipped away at my self-confidence, worth and esteem. (more…)
Chances are if you’re a people pleaser you are indiscriminate about whom you care about. You do for others what you should be doing for yourself. As an accommodating and passive, non confrontational and easy-going person, hours are spent worrying about doing the right thing. Or worse; worried about the past. The past which is gone and can’t be changed. Insecure and terrified about hurting other people’s feelings and doing what others want is the go to behavior of people pleasers; affectionately know as doormats. (more…)