Beware of the turner.

Turners are usually close and trusted friends and relatives.  They are our confidants because they feel like a safe haven until  disagreeing  with them.

Then, turners are vicious and nasty, just like the narcissist. But worse because we trusted them and never suspected their toxic side.

The main difference between a narcissist and turner (although they are kissing cousins) are the recognizable red flags preceding the narc.  The turner doesn’t exhibit  warning signals. Their status is only realized after burning us.  They are more dangerous than narcs because much energy,  love and trust is invested in them. Many times, we excuse away the first attack because we can’t believe our dear one is capable of this hurtful behavior.

Once a turner shows you who they are; believe them the first time.  They will do it again and again if you allow them the first trespass. Distance yourself emotionally and avoid another turn burn.

By |2018-01-15T18:50:58+00:00May 18th, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|11 Comments


  1. lindamarielofton May 18, 2017 at 2:19 PM - Reply

    This really hits close today. My son’s wife just left him. She’s a “turner” with everyone, but we put up with her because she was his wife and our granddaughter’s mother. She told him she wanted a divorce and that he should “get out”. With support from us, he told her that the house belonged to him, their daughter and her. He said whoever wants out should be the one to leave. She backed off because she needed his money to be able to leave. She got her ducks in a row — had him pay off her credit card and “a loan she got from her Daddy” — and presented him with a divorce agreement for him to sign…

    I think this is quite a difficult lesson for my son to learn and I’m praying he’ll remember:

    She’ll do it again!!!

  2. ivytobin May 18, 2017 at 2:49 PM - Reply

    Hi Linda Marie,
    I am saddened to read about the terrible turn burn your son must be experiencing. I hope he will remember that if he doesn’t let her go he’s in for many more burns from this turner. The scenario you described is classic turner behavior.

    • lindamarielofton May 18, 2017 at 9:26 PM - Reply

      Thanks, ivytobin. It means a lot for me to hear an encouraging word. Until this happened, I had no idea how very hard it is to watch a child go through divorce.

      • ivytobin May 19, 2017 at 12:34 AM - Reply

        Encouraging words are always offered here. Stop by my FB page and find over 74,000 MORE people to help give you a lift when you are struggling. Sending you (((Hugs))) and much love ❤️

  3. Faylene Burrows May 22, 2017 at 11:51 AM - Reply

    Worse than THE TURNER is THE SNIPER. The Sniper is the ultimate narcissist with delusional feelings of grandeur. They are self promoting liars, so consumed with insecurity and envy, that they will go to any lengths to make themself relevent. The Sniper is so starved for attention, that they will shoot to kill, anyone that gets in their way of ‘ their ’15 minutes of being not so famous, even their best friend. Watch out for Snipers, ( often camouflaged as advice givers), they are calculating, devious, snakes, that will attack when least expected when least expected.

    • ivytobin May 22, 2017 at 2:31 PM - Reply

      WOW Faylene, this is great insight. I am going to share this with The Society for Recovering Doormats FaceBook page. It will be shouted out on Wednesday, May 24th at 3:10PM EST. Thanks so much for this info. <3 Rose G. aka Ivy

  4. lindamarielofton May 22, 2017 at 8:10 PM - Reply

    Is there a safe place you all talk? Or somewhere parents whose kids have been left by a spouse can support one another? I don’t think their divorce will be final until next month and I certainly don’t want to give this woman any ammunition…

    • ivytobin May 22, 2017 at 9:10 PM - Reply

      There are pages on FB that are private. Unfortunately, I don’t know any site to refer you to. This site & my FB site are both open forums that are visible for all. Check out FB . Perhaps use a search like ‘private groups with adult children struggling with narcissistic abuse.’ Wishing you the best 😘

      • lindamarielofton May 22, 2017 at 9:15 PM - Reply

        Thanks for the advice. I’d never have come up with that search!

        • ivytobin May 22, 2017 at 10:54 PM - Reply

          Try the FB page ‘Betrayed By Love But Not By Life.’ It is an open forum BUT I think they have a ‘secret’ group as well. Message the admin and ask her. If they don’t maybe the admin can refer you to a private group. Good luck xoxo

          • lindamarielofton May 23, 2017 at 8:23 PM

            Thanks. I surfed a bit, but didn’t come up with much. I’ll try BBL.

Leave a Reply