Ivy Tobin as Rose Gardner

Ivy Tobin writing as
Rose Gardner

About “The Society”

The Society for Recovering Doormats is for people suffering from addiction to people-pleasing, who have low self-esteem, depression, a victim mentality, and are afraid to assert themselves.

If you’ve spent your life wanting to make people happy and ignoring your own needs then you are at risk of becoming, if not already, a doormat.

Our mission is connecting with other doormats and doormat sympathizers while gaining self-esteem. Sometimes just knowing others are struggling with similar issues, is helpful. Reading or sharing stories is healing. Having a giggle or two while you’re here; priceless.

I hope you like the site and consider yourself a member. You don’t have to be a doormat to join; but it helps.

Standing up and speaking out.

Rose — Founding member and creator of The Society for Recovering Doormats.

Stamp Out Doormatism

It is 2020. And for many the world is a challenging place. People seem more judgmental and when people try to stand up for themselves they are made fun of and ganged up upon. The situation feels contradictory to what we, at The Society for Recovering Doormats are working so diligently to overcome. Does it seem to you we’ve taken several giant steps backward in every arena?

Violent worldwide terrorism, gun violence, and random mass shootings have escalated. People spew hate while acceptance and equality for all backslides into dangerous echoes of decades past.  For many of us our heroes and role models have fallen off the pedestals we built for them and global warming is still a debate. These are just a few reasons making me want to put my head in the sand.  But I cannot; and neither can YOU.  Now, more than ever it is important for everyone to open their eyes, stand up and use their voice. It’s vital we get up off the floor and speak our truth.  The #METOO movement is a positive beginning, shedding light on despicable situations permeated over the decades. We must remain vigilant with everything else too. We can no longer continue as doormats muddling through as matty messes feeling isolated and allowing ourselves to be manipulated.  This is a difficult concept for people pleasers because we’ve depended on the validation of others to determine our self-worth. But, now we need to understand the ineffective and dangerous consequences resulting from this antiquated belief.  

The only person that needs to validate you is you.  Take a moment to process this overwhelming idea, and then take as much time as you need digesting it into a fact.   Change to the unknown is terrifying and if you’re like me, you’ve lived as a doormat for decades and tempted to put your head under the covers. It is vital that you don’t! Standing up, cutting ties with toxic people and changing our behavior, is crucial. It is overwhelming but we need to recover from doormatism and fly free.

The good news is that you don’t have to do this alone.  Here at The Society for Recovering Doormats like-minded people gather and offer encouragement and support. The Society is a safe house where we pick ourselves up off of the floor, and speak out for what we want, refusing acceptance of what doesn’t align with our needs and moral compass. This is a major first step for a mat.

This concept isn’t novel.  In Paris there’s The Society for Encouragement. I’m sure it has nothing to do with helping doormats, but wouldn’t it be great if it did? And there are books written and programs designed by mental health specialists offering advice and everyday strategies. Helping the mat recover from doormatism has been a valiant, ongoing effort.

We are too nice, too loving, trusting and non-confrontational people with low self-esteem.  Easy targets for narcissists and other unsavory individuals with manipulative, self-serving agendas. It’s due time we raise our collective consciousness and put an end to doormatism. We’ve been ignored for too long. Seen, but not heard, used and abused. I say  “No more on the floor!” It’s time for the lady recovering mats to be a Queen in 2018!  And for our male mats; be the King you’re meant to be.

If you’re a newbie here at The Society for Recovering Doormats you may be wondering, “How do I know if I am a doormat?”  Most people don’t realize they’re a mat until after a visit here. Your inclination to explore this site is a good indicator.

During our formative years we are blissful and unaware of our mat status. But the damage from years of people pleasing and accommodating others is cumulative, rendering us into submission and alas we are destined to doormatism. We smile to mask our pain but are silently miserable from neglecting our personal needs. If this sounds like you, then you are a doormat.

I am not a medical professional, or a mental health specialist. Just a recovering doormat trying to help as many doormats as I can. One mat at a time.

Standing up and speaking out with much love and many hugs to all visiting.

Rose Gardner, founding member, creator, and recovering doormat.