About “The Society”

Ivy Tobin  as  Rose Gardner

Ivy Tobin writing as
Rose Gardner

About “The Society”

The Society for Recovering Doormats is for people suffering from addiction to people-pleasing, who have low self-esteem, depression, a victim mentality, and are afraid to assert themselves.

If you’ve spent your life wanting to make people happy and ignoring your own needs then you are at risk of becoming, if not already, a doormat.

Our mission is connecting with other doormats and doormat sympathizers while gaining self esteem. Sometimes just knowing others are struggling with similar issues, is helpful. Reading or sharing stories is healing. Having a giggle or two while you’re here; priceless.

I hope you like the site and consider yourself a member. You don’t have to be a doormat to join; but it helps.

Standing up and speaking out.

Rose — Founding member and creator of The Society for Recovering Doormats.

Stamp Out Doormatism

It is 2016.  A time for enlightenment and acceptance. With acceptance brings power. Gays are out of their closets, speaking up for equal rights and respect. Doormats  muddle through as matty messes feeling isolated and manipulated. We  need validation. ‘The Society for Recovering Doormat’s allows us to meet like-minded peeps. ‘The Society’ is a safe house where we pick ourselves up off of the floor and speak loudly for what we want. Speaking up and refusing acceptance of what doesn’t align with our needs and moral compass is a major step for a mat.

This concept isn’t novel.  In Paris there’s ‘The Society for Encouragement’. I’m sure it has nothing to do with helping doormats, but wouldn’t it be great if it did? And there are countless books written and programs designed by shrinks, and psychologists all offering advice and everyday strategies. Helping the mat has been a valiant, on-going effort.

I find that mats are docile, loving, trusting and non confrontational peeps with low self esteem.  Easy targets for individuals with manipulative, self serving agendas. It’s due time we raise our collective consciousness and put an end to doormatism. We’ve  been ignored for too long. Seen, but not heard, used and abused. I say “no more on the floor!”

A question that’s been buzzing around ‘The Society’ is: “How do I know if I am a doormat?”  Most peeps don’t realize they’re a mat until after a visit to “The Society for Recovering Doormat’s.”  During our formative years we are blissfully unaware of our mat status. But the cumulative damage from years of people pleasing and accommodating others renders us into submission and alas we are destined to doormatism. We smile to mask our pain but are silently miserable from neglecting our personal needs. If this sounds like you, then you are a doormat.

I am not a medical professional, or a psychologist. Just  a recovering doormat trying to help as many doormats as I can. One mat at a time.

Standing up and speaking out,

27 thoughts on “About “The Society”

  1. I found your site, and never in all my years have I felt anthing fit my soul and heart the way your site touched me.
    I don’t even know what to write and this is the first site I have really joined.a
    Thank you

    • Hi Jurce,
      It is Sunday morning, and with coffee mug in hand, your comment is the first thing I see. My day is made. Thank you so much for your positive validation and viewership.
      Happy Holidays. 🙂 Rose

  2. Thank you for this place. I am a people-pleaser and a doormat. A lot of my family likes it that way, but it makes me cranky and then no one wants to be around me. I feel stuck in a trap. But now I don’t feel so alone.

  3. I am recovering from this “affliction” slowly but surely. Thank you for this blog and for sharing. What a great place to encourage others and be encouraged!

  4. I really love this site. For the first time in many years, i don’t feel so alone.
    I love the humour, makes me smile.
    Mattiness, mattitude etc. As a matter of fact, Great matterial.
    I have been a people pleaser all of my life. I have now had enough.
    Am so pleased to have escaped the ”A Listers” who put me down and kept me down. They don’t like it when you escape and fight back.

    • Hi Hazel, thanks for your wonderful comments. I enjoy seeing you over on FB, and so glad to have you here on my blog. Thanks again for being a part of The Society. 🙂 Rose

  5. I’m so glad I found this society. This is my first time on, and all I ever end up doing is letting people walk all over me, even though I know it hurts. I constantly try to help others, but when I ask for help, everyone seems to deny the fact that I even exist. I was always told, “If you just be nice to people, they’ll appreciate it, and they’ll be nice to you as well,” but obviously that’s not the case. I’m tired of letting myself allow everyone to push me around. I’m tired of procrastinating, and not being able to concentrate because of it. I’m tired of trying to be some opinionated version of ‘perfect’. I’m tired of being used for everyone else’s personal gain. It’s time to end doormatism (or whatever you call it)! It’s time to make my own decisions! It’s time to make a stand!

    • WOW! Right on the money!!! And yes doormatism is the perfect term. 🙂 Thanks so much for being here. With grateful appreciation for your viewership. ❤ Rose G.

  6. I am following because i find this resonating with me. It is not without its problems though because for the last 4 years i have stood up and spoken out, saying “no more” to my life as a doormat in my workplace. The response from work has been to try crush me and i am flat like a pancake at the moment but not giving in. Discrimination and victimisation is still alive in this world.

    • Hi Grant, I applaud you for standing up and speaking out. It is always a better option to speak your mind and not blindly accept what other’s dish out. Sadly, many people will buck up against this empowered behavior and TRY to crush you. Please keep on standing up and speaking out. If it is an issue that management needs to be made aware for, please take further action. Go to the top and speak your truth. You deserve to be comfortable in your work environment. ❤ Rose G.

  7. I would really like to be a part of this group. I suffer from this a lot. And it is exhausting sometimes.

    • Hi Mary. WELCOME! By reading and ‘liking’ this blog you are ALREADY a part of this group. By liking the blog, you will automatically receive all blog posts in your email. Also, visit me on Facebook, Twitter, PINTEREST and Instagram ( on Instagram I use the name MYLIFEASADOORMAT.) And YES, I agree; people pleasing is exhausting. Time to stop. So glad you’re with us. Have an awesome week Mary. ❤ Rose G.

  8. I seem to have very little compassion for myself when I consider my cycle of thoughts and resulting emotions. If I weren’t so identified with them I would be a happy human being. Pain is the norm and the only time I get a peek at the source is when I am completely silent and in the present with the pain. I have bipolar 1 and have been isolated in depression for the last year. The underlying theme of my therapy sessions involves worrying about everyone else’s nonsense as if I’m responsible. It’s deeply rooted and have been improving marginally lately. Your page hits home in a big way.

    • Hi Michael, I’m so glad you are in therapy and addressing your challenges. Many people are not there yet and run from the word BIPOLAR like it is the boogieman. This is self defeating, and will never help anyone move forward. Bipolar is an illness, just like diabetes and high blood pressure. Bravo to you for getting treatment, and attacking your core issue. Many people here struggle with an underlying theme: lack of self compassion, self love. Worrying about everyone else’s nonsense and taking it on as our own. Feeling responsible, like it’s our fault. That is a huge commonality amongst recovering doormats. Thanks so much for sharing today. And please visit me over on FaceBook at The Society for Recovering Doormats as well as here. There are almost 50,000 members all supporting each other. ❤

  9. Found your site a few minutes ago. The addict in me wants to read EVERYTHING you’ve posted. Alanon he’s helped me, now I’m ready to hear it like it is! Not sure how to operate on blogs. Don’t know how to set up to find you again! New to computers (76 yo).

  10. I received your book in the mail the other day and it is Wonderful. I have known for years that I was a Doormat and Now I am going to stand up and make people realize I might be a Doormat but I am not going to let myself be walked on or let people wipe fhere shoes on me anymore. Thank you for giving me the strength to take my life back. Thank you for your book. If you ever write another book and you want to use my name or story you have my permission to do so. Again, thank you again, Pau W. Moberg

    • Hi Paul, I’m so glad you enjoyed ‘My Life as a Doormat’. And delighted you have decided to stand up, speak out and take your life back! BRAVO 👏🏻

  11. Thank you for this ste, I appreciate the support and Love
    I am standing up against being a door mat. I thought I was just being kind.
    Loving myself and allowing myself to be first in life has helped

    Blessings to you filled with
    Love & Light 🌻

    • Thank you for being here Mae! If you want daily reminders helping to stave off doormatism please visit The Society for Recovering Doormats on FB, Twitter & INSTAGRAM

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