My Life as a Doormat – Book

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 US residents take advantage of this special offer!  You can order My Life as a Doormat direct from the author and receive an autographed and personalized copy for $13.95 (with free shippingby ordering through the PayPal button featured directly above.

US shoppers can also click one of the links below to purchase through your favorite store.

Amazon Kindle
Barnes & Noble Nook

If you’re visiting from Canada, you may also use this PayPal link to order direct from the author and receive an autographed and personalized copy. $13.95 ( plus $4.95 for shipping.)

‘My Life as a Doormat’ is ALSO available worldwide from Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Worldwide shoppers – please click the link closest to you:

Amazon Australia / Amazon BrazilAmazon Canada / Amazon France / Amazon Germany Amazon India / Amazon Italy / Amazon Japan / Amazon Spain / Amazon United Kingdom 

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Got Healthy Self-Love?

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“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time.  We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life. ”  Andrew Matthews

 

You have a voice!

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Declaring your choices by speaking up is vital for all people pleasers.  Use your voice to perpetuate or negate. For initiating or terminating. You have a right to agree or refute.  All  vocalized decisions enable recovery from doormatism. 

The only decision keeping you stuck in doormat mode is remaining silent.

#standupandspeakout

#empowerment

 

 

True Friends.

 

True friend

What is a true friend?  Many claim this title, but how many are mere acquaintances, people we know in passing ? Or people who disappear when we’re struggling? Or become belligerent, hostile and toxic when we express different opinions.   Perhaps some are adversaries, hiding their true agendas; like wolves in sheep clothing.  Or friends using our failures and disappointments to bolster their egos.

Today, more than ever, it’s necessary to know who’s with you.  In this chaotic climate of change and uncertainty, one thing is absolutely vital:   True friends.  

A true friend loves you at your worst, and celebrates your bests.

 

Keep Breathing.

keep-breathingThere are times when we can take action, make a positive difference by standing up and speaking out and bring about a significant, effective change. But there are those times when all we can do is keep breathing, waiting for the storm to pass.

Welcome 2017 Happy New Year

Thank you to all who visit, comment and share The Society for Recovering Doormats. Wishing everyone a safe, peaceful, healthy and happy new year.  Sending big hugs and much love to all.   *Ivy Tobin aka Rose Gardner.

For newbies here:  *Ivy Tobin aka Rose Gardner:   I am an author and Rose is my alter ego.  I use her strength to help others stand up and speak out and realize they are not alone.

We’re all standing up and speaking out together.  Rose can always lead the way,  sometimes as a conduit for all struggling. Or just someone to reach out to on-line when no one else will listen.

Ivy is a recovering doormat, trying my best my best to stay off the floor. 

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A Subtle Warning Sign of A Toxic Person

A must read for Recovering Doormats.

Why I loved Carrie Fisher, and it isn’t because of Princess Leia

Author Terena Scott nails it. Her thoughts about Carrie Fisher echo mine. Exactly.

Terena Scott

As a kid in the 1970’s, I loved Star Wars. But that’s not why I loved Carrie Fisher. To me, Carrie Fisher was more than Princess Leia, an icon from my childhood. She was a strong, outspoken, honest and creative woman. She was a role model.

Carrie Fisher was a writer who shared her struggle with mental illness and addiction, but she did it with humility and humor. Sharing her story allowed others to laugh at their own struggles. She inspired me to write honestly. Speak the truth and don’t apologize, unless you really screwed up, then shout “I’m Sorry” with all your heart. And Carrie wasn’t afraid to fight. When people made fun of her for gaining weight it hurt, but she didn’t hide. Squaring her shoulders she responded with her usual strength and humor, and a loud “Fuck you.”

Carrie Fisher took no shit. Which is one of the…

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I’m doing the best I can and that’s all that matters.

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People pleasers, aka doormats, accept others negative views as absolute truth because we’re programmed not to make waves, or disagree.  Even when we think otherwise.  Stuffing down our own feelings and opinions is harmful and results in self-doubt, low self-esteem and  inordinate amounts of stress.  Allowing other people’s thoughts and values to govern our lives is especially dangerous when it determines our self-worth.

A brief scenario may go something like this:

Jane is shopping for the perfect dress for her husband’s office holiday party.  Her fitness program, rigorous routines of early morning workouts and cutting down on carbs, proves successful!  Two full dress sizes smaller than last year.  Her discipline has paid off and she feels svelte with a strong sense of accomplishment.  Searching several racks in the crowded store Jane is tempted to try on a short, retro, turquoise cocktail frock.  She removes the dress from the hangar then heads to the fitting room. “Colorful patterned dresses makes you look too short, and fat.”  She hears her husband’s voice inside her head.   Jane turns around then returns the dress to its hanger.  Sleeveless dresses are also out, because her arms are flabby.  (Jane’s best friend mentioned that the last time they went shopping together.)  After two hours Jane decides upon a long sleeve, knee-length, loose-fitting, black chiffon.

At home Jane carefully applies make-up and coiffes her shoulder length hair. For an instant she wants to wear it up, showing off her neckline. But her daughter’s comment detours her. “Mom, your ears are like Dumbo the elephant.”   Jane takes her 9-year-old child’s judgement to heart, negates her own desires and let’s her hair fall over her ears.

Jane is excited having a night out but disappointed when her husband says nothing about her appearance.  As they’re leaving for the party Jane’s 15-year-old son asks if she’s going to a funeral?   Jane’s feelings of accomplishment are gone and replaced by insecurities, feeding  her self-doubt.   She’s given others power to chip away at her  self-confidence by  negating  herself, and  allowing other’s comments, and silence determine her self-worth.   

How many times have we been Jane? If you’ve answered “yes, I can relate,” then it is time to STOP listening to other people. 

Being aware of this pitfall is an important step in recovering from doormatism. Knowing that other’s value judgements don’t matter is freeing!   Validating our own efforts, accomplishments and self-worth is all that’s important.

We are doing the best we can and that is enough.

We. Must. Hope.

The world is in flux, with nothing  certain or guaranteed except more confusion and uncertainty.   During these turbulent times we must not give up hope.  Now, more than ever, it is vital keeping our priorities straight and not participate in dramas we can’t control.

Focus on what we can do to help bring forth a better and brighter tomorrow.

Connect with like-minded people and let the rest go.

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7 Ways To Stop Obsessing and Feeling Stuck

 

Obsessing  doesn’t have a positive outcome, yet it’s one of the top ten behaviors all people pleasing doormats engage in.  The only thing ruminating will do is get and keep us stuck.  Repeating the same thought over and over, without a solution renders us powerless and stagnant.

If you’re feeling stuck, please read these 7 suggestions for  un-sticking yourself and moving forward.
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