Got Healthy Self-Love?

healthy-self-love

 

“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time.  We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life. ”  Andrew Matthews

 

By | 2017-03-04T14:39:01+00:00 March 4th, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|0 Comments

Beware.

beware.

If you’re a too-nice-for-your-own-good people pleaser it’s feasible you may have a narcissist or two in your life. Or circling.  Feeling manipulated or controlled by a certain person, or group?  Take a closer look at who you’re investing your time in. Just because YOU don’t have a secret agenda for them, doesn’t mean they aren’t pulling your strings for self-serving needs that have nothing to do with caring about you.

They circle like vultures and prey upon the good hearted: They’re hiding in plain sight, but difficult to see until it’s too late.

Beware of the narcissist.  

By | 2016-10-29T12:26:02+00:00 October 29th, 2016|Miscellaneous mattiness|0 Comments

Speak your Truth.

Why do we feel terrible when we begin standing up for ourselves?

People pleasers are so use to staying silent, accepting abusive and critical verbal abuse that speaking our mind feels unnatural and uncomfortable.  Going along with the general consensus, and not making waves was our MO for so long we believed this to be normal.

During recovery from doormatism, it’s hard to speak our truth. But we must learn how to despite possible residual negative feelings.  The moment the words are spoken we may start traveling down the river of doubt. Then perhaps, turn in ourselves, beating our self up with false beliefs of unworthiness.   And then our most self destructive behavior: forgetting WHY we spoke our truth in the first place.  Forgetting we have the right to defend ourselves without guilt, shame or concern if we’ve upset our abuser is detrimental.

The good news is: our level of uncomfortableness fades the more we practice self care.

Stand up, speak out without guilt or shame.

#offthefloor

 

Anyone ever feel like this?

Anyone ever feel like this?

By | 2016-10-02T09:51:57+00:00 October 2nd, 2016|Miscellaneous mattiness|4 Comments

Stress Triggers

Button pushersWe all know people who are masters at pushing our buttons. Most are family members and close friends. They aren’t toxic but cause enormous stress. They’re well-meaning but their good intentions are counterproductive to our needs and elevate our stress level.

Knowing WHO these people are, then keeping a safe distance (especially in stressful situations) is one way to manage their good intentions.

By | 2016-08-16T10:25:12+00:00 August 16th, 2016|Miscellaneous mattiness|5 Comments

Verbal abuse is abuse.

The power of hurtful language is just as damaging and maybe even more detrimental than a physical assault.  If someone strikes us, afterwards we can see the wound heal and know exactly what to do. Many times we choose to leave the relationship.  A physical  affront will make us take action. In most cases, will permit us to make a healthy decision about how to move forward.

But when the abuse is verbal, some fragment gets lodged within our mind and continues to replay itself.  The wound never heals, and we remain within the abusive relationship, justifying the abusers behavior.   But verbal abuse just like physical abuse is never okay, and should never be minimized or tolerated.

Stand up, speak out and walk away.  verbal abuse is not ok

By | 2016-07-31T10:32:17+00:00 July 31st, 2016|Miscellaneous mattiness|8 Comments

Break the cycle of self-blaming.

Feeling worthy All humans are flawed and have needs. Except the narcissist. Don’t believe me?  Just ask one. They’ll laundry list their super powers while pointing out and embellishing our weaknesses. Belittling and negating others is their specialty. Reducing another to an unworthy pile of insignificance; their primary goal.

Narcissists, or ‘A’ Listers as we refer to them here at The Society for Recovering Doormats, are dangerous personalities, especially for people pleasing doormats. They are toxic to approval addicts because we’re the first to accept and internalize the terrible lies they proclaim. We think we need their love and approval and validate their vicious, self-serving talk as truth.  But giving credence to their warped views, renders us ashamed and unworthy.

Break the cycle of self-blaming now! The next time you’re feeling too needy and less than the wonderful person you are, remember:  it’s not you!  Consider instead the company you’re keeping.  Chances are they are an ‘all-about-themselves ‘A’ Lister.  

You can’t change them but have a choice to disassociate.  If this isn’t feasible because of life circumstances then disengage with them mentally and emotionally,  Do not give them the power to steal your worthiness. It is every person’s birthright.

By | 2016-07-16T17:08:24+00:00 July 16th, 2016|Miscellaneous mattiness|8 Comments

It’s Not My Fault.

It is absolutely not Thinking you’re responsible for others moods, behavior, choices and happiness is an underlying problem for most doormats.  Many of us are empaths, empathizing  and experiencing  the feelings and thoughts of others as our own. And worse; taking responsibility for them.  Detaching is an arduous task but can be achieved. Next time you’re around someone who’s in a funk, remember this one truth: “It’s not my fault ” and respond accordingly.

Unless your life is reclusive, and interaction with others is negligible, reminding yourself      it is not your fault is paramount for becoming and remaining a recovering doormat.

Need daily reminders? Or a meaningful gift for the recovering doormat in your life? Visit The Society for Recovering Doormat Shop by following the link below –http://www.cafepress.com/+society-doormats+gifts

By | 2016-03-28T13:27:58+00:00 March 28th, 2016|Miscellaneous mattiness|4 Comments

All there are in this world are other people…

Who hasn’t met an all-about-themself narcissist?  The Society for Recovering Doormats  term for them is ‘A’ Listers. They aren’t starring in movies, and walking the red carpet but  regard themselves as famous, powerful and better than every one else .  These celebrities in their own mind are preoccupied with judging and determining other’s worthiness and clueless about important life values.  Kindness, compassion and gratitude aren’t on their radar.  Doormats fall prey to ‘A’ Listers manipulation and unwittingly permit them to play judge and juror.

It is time to stop the madness  and remind these  individuals that “all there are in this world are other people, none are lesser or greater than you.”  If you can’t stand up and speak out to them, please stand up and speak out to yourself. We are all people

By | 2016-03-09T17:21:21+00:00 March 9th, 2016|Miscellaneous mattiness|2 Comments

Happy New Year

Many thanks to all visiting and sharing The Society for Recovering Doormats. I want you to know how much I appreciate your viewership here, and on my other social media platforms. 2015 was a year of life lessons and tremendous personal growth and your continued presence helps keep me off the floor too.

As the new year begins, I happily announce the drafting of my second novel.  Many have inquired what happens to Rose after  My life as a Doormat? The second book will answer that question.  Now that I’ve made this announcement public, I guess I have to really set a deadline and get this book done!Happy New Year

Wishing you and your loved ones the happiest and healthiest  New Year possible.

Much love,

Rose.

 

By | 2015-12-29T09:24:50+00:00 December 29th, 2015|Miscellaneous mattiness|2 Comments

10 Benefits of Ditching Doormat Behavior

10 Benefits of ditching doormat behavior Admitting you have doormat tendencies  or full blown doormatism is the first step of becoming a recovering doormat.  CONGRATULATIONS.  In case you need further incentive to remove toxic people and situations from your life and stand up and speak out, I hope this 10 benefits of ditching doormat behavior  inspires you.

By | 2015-12-20T14:01:43+00:00 December 20th, 2015|Miscellaneous mattiness|0 Comments