We like to play it safe. We’ve stuck with the familiar because it feels comfortable and gives us a sense of security. But how secure are we? (more…)
The suggestion of looking the other way, isn’t promoting or encouraging anyone to put their head in the sand and dismiss a harsh reality. Not recommending denial. The signature doormat behavior of people-pleasers is staying silent for fear of a confrontation. I’m not in favor of this at all. But, turning away from a situation that can not be changed by our involvement is different than staying silent for fear based reasons. (more…)
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I am so excited about my upcoming interview by Dr. Theresa Nicassio on her world-wide radio show on March 8th 2018
Click on this link for details. https://www.theresanicassio.com/portfolio/society-for-recovering-doormats/
It is 2018. And for many the world is a challenging place. People seem more judgemental and when they try to stand up for themselves they are made fun of and ganged up upon when what is needed is validation. The situation feels contradictory to what we, at The Society for Recovering Doormats are working so diligently to overcome. (more…)
Why do we feel terrible when we begin standing up for ourselves?
People pleasers are so use to staying silent, accepting abusive and critical verbal abuse that speaking our mind feels unnatural and uncomfortable. Going along with the general consensus, and not making waves was our MO for so long we believed this to be normal.
During recovery from doormatism, it’s hard to speak our truth. But we must learn how to despite possible residual negative feelings. The moment the words are spoken we may start traveling down the river of doubt. Then perhaps, turn in ourselves, beating our self up with false beliefs of unworthiness. And then our most self destructive behavior: forgetting WHY we spoke our truth in the first place. Forgetting we have the right to defend ourselves without guilt, shame or concern if we’ve upset our abuser is detrimental.
The good news is: our level of uncomfortableness fades the more we practice self care.
Stand up, speak out without guilt or shame.
We all know people who are masters at pushing our buttons. Most are family members and close friends. They aren’t toxic but cause enormous stress. They’re well-meaning but their good intentions are counterproductive to our needs and elevate our stress level.
Knowing WHO these people are, then keeping a safe distance (especially in stressful situations) is one way to manage their good intentions.