It is 2018. And for many the world is a challenging place. People seem more judgemental and when they try to stand up for themselves they are made fun of and ganged up upon when what is needed is validation. The situation feels contradictory to what we, at The Society for Recovering Doormats are working so diligently to overcome. (more…)
Calling all North Carolina doormats!
I’ll be at Barnes & Noble on October 15th. See below for details.
I’m so excited for my up-coming book event at Barnes & Noble in Asheville North Carolina on Saturday October 15th at 2:00PM, If you’re in the area please stop by and say hello!
Saturday, October 15th 2:00PM – 3:30PM
Barnes and Noble in Asheville Mall
3 South Tunnel Road
Asheville, NC 28805
Author Signing(Biography, Fiction, Humor)
“Please join us in welcoming author Rose Gardner who will be discussing and signing her book My Life as a Doormat. In this fictionalized biography, it is 1980 and naïve Rose has moved to New York to pursue her acting career. Anxious and uncertain, Rose must learn to stand up and speak for herself — the rallying cry of The Society for Recovering Doormats!”
We all know people who are masters at pushing our buttons. Most are family members and close friends. They aren’t toxic but cause enormous stress. They’re well-meaning but their good intentions are counterproductive to our needs and elevate our stress level.
Knowing WHO these people are, then keeping a safe distance (especially in stressful situations) is one way to manage their good intentions.
One of the biggest challenges of people pleasing, approval addicts is saying ‘no’ because we don’t want to let anyone down. Instead of speaking our truth and letting our needs known, we accommodate. We wind up in uncomfortable situations, surrounded by people we don’t want to be around, doing things we’re not interested in. We appease others because disappointing anyone terrifies us. We want everyone to be happy, and negate our own personal happiness in the process.
We may be unaware of the tremendous price we’re paying by being a ‘yes person.’ Stress, anxiety and depression are byproducts of people pleasing. By avoiding conflict at all costs we might stave off a disagreement. But by keeping the peace we cause a damaging war inside ourselves.
Please remember this the next time you say yes when you really mean no. Or stay silent when you need to speak up.
My book event at Barnes and Noble on the upper west side of NYC was the perfect way to conclude the spring northeast book tour of My Life as a Doormat. Many thanks to all who attended.
If it brings you joy, say yes. If it doesn’t, say no. Sometimes it isn’t possible sticking with a cut and dry answer, but many times it is just this simple. Negating people and situations you know guarantee misery is a vital part of self care.
Self care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary even if it means disappointing others. Slipping back into people pleasing mode is always a real possibility for recovering doormats, so before saying ‘yes’ to anybody, consider first, if you’re saying ‘yes’ to yourself as well.
The ‘Today I will take care of me’ mug is on sale NOW. http://www.cafepress.com/thesocietyforrecoveringdoormats/12745079
Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish: it’s necessary. Good emotional and physical health requires taking time just for you. Time to do nothing, or time to do everything for YOU! Please remember this the next time you think you don’t have the time.
The ‘Everyone needs a little Me time’ coffee cup is on SALE!!!
If any of these ten signs are familiar, chances are you’re a doormat. But take heart, you are capable of recovering from this matty lifestyle and moving out of doormat status. It is possible to overcome doormatism.
Get the The ’10 Signs you are a Doormat’ T-shirt –http://www.cafepress.com/thesocietyforrecoveringdoormats.1697698574