1. Joan Donahue Shanosk on April 10, 2023 at 5:18 PM

    Oh yes. Especially #10 lately at certain very significant times.

    • Ivy Tobin on April 10, 2023 at 8:26 PM

      Hi Joan,
      Feeling invisible is a signature feeling of most recovering mats. We all want to be seen, heard and appreciated. As we gain more confidence the need for validation by others diminishes, as we realize the only important person needing our approval is ourselves.

      • Karen McCready on March 16, 2024 at 6:42 PM

        I feel your pain. I volunteered for an animal rescue group years ago and the ladies in the leadership team treated me like they were doing me a favor allowing me to help them. They never provided me with any constructive guidance or appreciation for all the time, money, and effort I gave them for the cause. I kept justifying that it was “for the animals.” I finally realized that they were just a clique of “mean girls” who didn’t think I fit in with them and made it clear to me passive-aggressively. Once I quit and found another rescue group that did appreciate what I had to offer, I felt much better about myself. I learned that I need to stop chasing after things just to prove to myself that I have value.

        • Ivy Tobin on March 16, 2024 at 11:44 PM

          Hi Karen, thank you so much for sharing your experience. You were lucky to find another volunteering job that valued your efforts. I think the mean girls we meet in junior high school grow up to be mean adults. And unfortunately, they are everywhere! Condescending, nasty, passive aggressive grown ups. The last place we would expect to find them is volunteering somewhere, but they are there too. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts.

  2. Angelina Deans on November 8, 2023 at 7:22 PM

    Recovery is so difficult when we’re conditioned to see ourselves as the “wrong” ones. I’m on a non-profit board and two of the primary players have been snarky and ugly. The mission is no longer the mission I signed up for. I’m being left out of conversations. Information is not being sent my way. I’m the treasurer and I’m constantly chasing down receipts for expenses. My key quit working for the building and despite the fact I’ve asked for a new key, I haven’t received one (2 months now)
    The group is made up of retirees and people who work in jobs where they can get away during the workday so they plan things during the workweek. I can’t make it. I can’t even get to the board meetings any longer because I work alone on Mondays.
    I’m ready to resign but I feel so guilty. Maybe it’s just me…maybe I’m being difficult. And shouldn’t I stick it out for the sake of people who are need?
    (I’m thinking as I type this….)
    so what if it IS me? What if the purpose of the nonprofit is sheer perfection? SO WHAT! I’m unhappy. That should be the bottom line…right?
    What if I’m a bad guy? So WHAT! I’ll be a happy bad guy without this burden on my shoulder.
    I’ve served on boards for the last 10 years working to feed the disadvantaged. I personally still do my part filling blessing boxes and the like. I don’t have to be on a board. I can do my thing quietly and quit worrying about what others think.
    I needed to get this off my chest.

    • Ivy Tobin on November 8, 2023 at 7:51 PM

      Hi Angelina, thank you for sharing. Your situation brings to light all the times I was involved on projects (volunteering) and was bored or disappointed in the way the projects were going. I didn’t want to quit because I “felt” they needed me. So I subjected myself to this drudgery until one day I “woke up.” Nope, not going to do this anymore! And ever since that day I don’t participate in any activity that entails being around unpleasant people OR activities that don’t fulfill me at some level. And turns out the projects all get done without me. YOUR wellbeing and happiness comes first!

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