Excerpt from ‘My Life as a Doormat.’

 

10734271_10206097822549735_404694735883510675_nTo order your copy of My Life as a Doormat click the link below.  www.thesocietyforrecoveringdoormats.com 
Excerpt chapter 12

Excerpt from “My Life as a Doormat”

10734271_10206097822549735_404694735883510675_n

To order your copy of My Life as a Doormat please click on the link below. www.thesocietyforrecoveringdoormats.com Excerpt from chapter 21

Phantom Friends.

FriendsAre you always the one reaching out, making plans and following through? How many times have you excused a friend’s lack of effort within a friendship?  People pleasers need to be mindful of efforts given to friends who don’t reciprocate. Everyone has a lot on their plate and are going through something.  Excusing these excuses is a signature  trademark of doormat behavior.

If you’re feeling ignored and brushed aside by a ‘friend,’  then it’s time to reevaluate the friendship.  Time to adjust your level of effort, and emotional involvement.

If you’re friendship feels one-sided, as if the person is doing you a favor, then do yourself a favor and never bother them again.

How To Avoid TURN BURN.

knife drawerThe most important thing to remember when in conversation with a turner is never let your guard down.  You may feel comfortable and safe and that is what the turner is waiting for.   The turner uses your open and vulnerable state as their cue to wield a nasty toxic remark at you. Or say something to undermine your confidence. Or both.  And last but not least: do not over-share.  Even if you’re in party mode and feeling the love.  Unfiltered  chatter and TMI can lead to the turner’s knife drawer.  They might not throw one at you immediately, opting for another time when they will double their arsenal.

 

We have to believe.

I believe with all my heart

With the current chaos in our world, amplified and distorted by the media 24/7, it is easy to get caught up in the turmoil. Today, more than ever, we have to believe better days are coming.  Repeat this thought often and share it with others.  As recovering doormats we can’t let these turbulent times send us back to hiding within our comfort zones.  We can’t use it as an excuse not to stand up and move forward.

I believe with all my heart better days are coming and encourage all to do the same.

 

 

 

 

Got Healthy Self-Love?

healthy-self-love

 

“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time.  We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life. ”  Andrew Matthews

 

You have a voice!

you-have-a-voice

Declaring your choices by speaking up is vital for all people pleasers.  Use your voice to perpetuate or negate. For initiating or terminating. You have a right to agree or refute.  All  vocalized decisions enable recovery from doormatism. 

The only decision keeping you stuck in doormat mode is remaining silent.

#standupandspeakout

#empowerment

 

 

True Friends.

 

True friend

What is a true friend?  Many claim this title, but how many are mere acquaintances, people we know in passing ? Or people who disappear when we’re struggling? Or become belligerent, hostile and toxic when we express different opinions.   Perhaps some are adversaries, hiding their true agendas; like wolves in sheep clothing.  Or friends using our failures and disappointments to bolster their egos.

Today, more than ever, it’s necessary to know who’s with you.  In this chaotic climate of change and uncertainty, one thing is absolutely vital:   True friends.  

A true friend loves you at your worst, and celebrates your bests.

 

Keep Breathing.

keep-breathingThere are times when we can take action, make a positive difference by standing up and speaking out and bring about a significant, effective change. But there are those times when all we can do is keep breathing, waiting for the storm to pass.

Welcome 2017 Happy New Year

Thank you to all who visit, comment and share The Society for Recovering Doormats. Wishing everyone a safe, peaceful, healthy and happy new year.  Sending big hugs and much love to all.   *Ivy Tobin aka Rose Gardner.

For newbies here:  *Ivy Tobin aka Rose Gardner:   I am an author and Rose is my alter ego.  I use her strength to help others stand up and speak out and realize they are not alone.

We’re all standing up and speaking out together.  Rose can always lead the way,  sometimes as a conduit for all struggling. Or just someone to reach out to on-line when no one else will listen.

Ivy is a recovering doormat, trying my best my best to stay off the floor. 

happy-new-year