Protecting Your Children from Cyberbullying.

No child deserves to be bulliedProtecting Your Children From Cyberbullying
By Laura Pearson

Protecting Your Children From Cyberbullying

Kids more-or-less stay the same. They still love to play, they get embarrassed by their parents, and unfortunately, they suffer from bullying from time to time. However, the Information Age has changed things. “Traditional” bullying still exists in schools and playgrounds, but now that so many kids have smartphones and social media accounts, bullying has adapted to work online.

This is cyberbullying, and there’s a chance your own children are subject to this harassment right now. There are some actions you can take to protect your kids, but before these will work, you need to understand what counts as cyberbullying.

A Modern Twist On An Old Problem

What exactly is cyberbullying? Like regular bullying, it’s when someone threatens, humiliates, or or harasses someone else. But because it’s online, cyberbullying is different. The threats and harassment take place through email, texts, social media, and more. There’s no real chance of getting physically harmed, but that doesn’t mean the problem is less important.

Common Sense Media list a few examples of cyberbullying, such as:

  • Threatening someone through texts.
  • Taking embarrassing photos and sharing them online.
  • Spreading damaging rumors

Cyberbullying can be as simple as saying someone is a slut, but it can also be complex and involve hacking into people’s emails, editing photos, and even identity theft. Unfortunately, cyberbullying is just as strong and hurtful as the real thing.

How Microaggressions Work

However, cyberbullying isn’t always easy to spot. There are many subtle ways your children can be bullied in real life or online. In fact, The Treehouse lists three subtle ways bullying can be done:

  1. Microassaults are not literal assaults. They’re when a bully insults your children’s gender or background. Although it’s not an attack, it still hurts.
  2. Microinsults are when bullies skip talking about your children directly and instead make fun of their race, ethnicity, or nationality.
  3. Microinvalidations are when a bully intentionally disregards your children’s situation, including saying racism or sexism doesn’t exist.

Because they are subtle, your children may feel they are not being bullied. But if these actions are done to hurt your kids, that’s what matters.

Spotting & Addressing Cyberbullying

If your kids are facing any kind of cyberbullying, microaggressions or outright identity theft, you want to do something to help protect your children. But how do you know it’s even happening? Many kids are so embarrassed that they don’t talk about it.

That’s why Stop Bullying recommends that you stay aware of what your kids are doing online. If you can follow your kids online without being intrusive, then you have a better idea of what your children are facing. But you also need to establish some smart rules about being online, such as making passwords strong and not getting into arguments online.

If your child reports any cyberbullying, be sure to acknowledge it as real and serious. Even if you think they need to grow a thicker skin, accepting their pain as real now makes it much more likely that they can trust you in the future.

Lastly, talk to your children’s school about the problem. Many times, the cyberbully is someone your kids know from school and they might be able to intervene.

Cyberbullying Is All Too Real

While there is something to be said about letting kids develop ways to handle bullying, harassment like this can be very damaging. Because kids are so into social media and staying online, cyberbullying is particularly devastating to your children. That’s why you need to know what cyberbullying is. If your child reports any problems online, be sure to take them seriously because your children certainly will.

 

 

Phantom Friends.

FriendsAre you always the one reaching out, making plans and following through? How many times have you excused a friend’s lack of effort within a friendship?  People pleasers need to be mindful of efforts given to friends who don’t reciprocate. Everyone has a lot on their plate and are going through something.  Excusing these excuses is a signature  trademark of doormat behavior.

If you’re feeling ignored and brushed aside by a ‘friend,’  then it’s time to reevaluate the friendship.  Time to adjust your level of effort, and emotional involvement.

If you’re friendship feels one-sided, as if the person is doing you a favor, then do yourself a favor and never bother them again.

How To Avoid TURN BURN.

knife drawerThe most important thing to remember when in conversation with a turner is never let your guard down.  You may feel comfortable and safe and that is what the turner is waiting for.   The turner uses your open and vulnerable state as their cue to wield a nasty toxic remark at you. Or say something to undermine your confidence. Or both.  And last but not least: do not over-share.  Even if you’re in party mode and feeling the love.  Unfiltered  chatter and TMI can lead to the turner’s knife drawer.  They might not throw one at you immediately, opting for another time when they will double their arsenal.

 

TURN BURN.

Turners

Beware of the turner.

Turners are usually close and trusted friends and relatives.  They are our confidants because they feel like a safe haven until  disagreeing  with them. Then, turners are vicious and nasty, just like the narcissist. But worse because we trusted them and never suspected their toxic side.

The main difference between a narcissist and turner (although they are kissing cousins) are the recognizable red flags preceding the narc.  The turner doesn’t exhibit  warning signals. Their status is only realized after burning us.  They are more dangerous than narcs because much energy,  love and trust is invested in them. Many times, we excuse away the first attack because we can’t believe our dear one is capable of this hurtful behavior.

Once a turner shows you who they are; believe them the first time.  They will do it again and again if you allow them the first trespass. Distance yourself emotionally and avoid another turn burn.

We have to believe.

I believe with all my heart

With the current chaos in our world, amplified and distorted by the media 24/7, it is easy to get caught up in the turmoil. Today, more than ever, we have to believe better days are coming.  Repeat this thought often and share it with others.  As recovering doormats we can’t let these turbulent times send us back to hiding within our comfort zones.  We can’t use it as an excuse not to stand up and move forward.

I believe with all my heart better days are coming and encourage all to do the same.

 

 

 

 

A Subtle Warning Sign of A Toxic Person

A must read for Recovering Doormats.

Free From Toxic

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The Department of Homeland Security has a color-coded terrorism alert system. Red, the highest level, means a severe risk of terrorist attacks. The lowest level, green, means low risk of terrorist attacks. Between those are Blue (guarded risk), yellow (significant) and then there is orange (high). There is a lesser known and very subtleearly warning sign you may be dating a toxic personthat you never hear about. It’s not quite the level of a red alert, but it is definitely in the orange to the red range andit should put you on high alert that you are in danger ofbeing at the very least, emotionally abused, bya toxic person, narcissist or sociopath. It’s a tacticcalled Subtle Ignoring. It is generally a precursor to full-blown narcissistic abuse.

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I’m doing the best I can and that’s all that matters.

i-will-ignore-others-judgements-about-me

 

How many times have we accepted others views without question? Allowed their thoughts to reign supreme and leave our own opinions unspoken. Or IF we speak out, and our ideas are met with disapproval, contempt, and invalidated, remain silent and allow others to feed our self-doubts.

People pleasers, aka doormats, accept others negative views as absolute truth because we’re programmed not to make waves, or disagree.  Stuffing down our own feelings and opinions is harmful and results in self-doubt, low self-esteem and inordinate amounts of stress.  Allowing other people’s thoughts and values to govern our lives is dangerous because it determines our self-worth.

STOP listening to other people. 

Being aware of this pitfall is an important step in recovering from doormatism.  Knowing that other’s value judgements don’t matter is freeing!   Validating our own efforts, accomplishments and self-worth is all that’s important.

We are doing the best we can and that is enough.

Friday’s with Dr. Terry Segal

I’m so honored having Dr. Terry Segal with us providing professional insight for many problems recovering doormats face.  She’ll be with us every Friday until the year’s end.

11/4   Click below and read how to handle unacceptable behavior in a healthy, empowering way    http://enchantedjourney.club/unacceptable-behavior/?subscribe=success#blog_subscription-3

11/ 11 Click below and read about not taking responsibility for other  peoples bad moods moodshttp://enchantedjourney.club/assuming-responsibility-others-bad-moods/

11/18 Click below and read about self blame and how to stop –http://enchantedjourney.club/self-blame/

12/2 Click below and read about apologizing. ALL recovering mats do this and many in excess.  A must read for all visiting.  – http://enchantedjourney.club/apologize/

12/9 Click below and read about how to deal with demeaning behavior.  http://enchantedjourney.club/silent-demeaning-behavior/

12/16 Click below and get some guidance with confrontation and negating feelings  http://enchantedjourney.club/confrontation-negating-feelings/

Narcissists

Narcissists are wet blanketsNarcissist are the wet blankets of life. They are also thieves. If they see you happy they will try every manipulation to steal your joy. Beware!