Save Our Energy for Things That Matter

The suggestion of looking the other way, isn’t promoting or encouraging anyone to put their head in the sand and dismiss a harsh reality. Not recommending denial. The signature doormat behavior of people-pleasers is staying silent for fear of a confrontation. I’m not in favor of this at all. But, turning away from a situation that can not be changed by our involvement is different than staying silent for fear based reasons. (more…)

By |2018-06-19T16:14:50+00:00June 19th, 2018|Miscellaneous mattiness|5 Comments

Birthdays are a mixed bag.

Birthdays. We all have them, and although my emotions are a mixed bag of hope, reflection and self – doubt undermining my years of work on empowerment and self-worth; I still love my birthday!  Milestone birthdays require at least a month-long acknowledgement, and major milestones must be celebrated for the entire year! (more…)

By |2018-03-21T15:31:42+00:00February 5th, 2018|Miscellaneous mattiness|4 Comments

Need Validation?

Need validation.

It is 2018.  And for many the world is a challenging place. People seem more judgemental and when they try to stand up for themselves they are made fun of and ganged up upon when what is needed is validation.  The situation feels contradictory to what we, at The Society for Recovering Doormats are working so diligently to overcome. (more…)

By |2018-01-15T17:10:48+00:00January 1st, 2018|Miscellaneous mattiness|0 Comments

4 Tips For Avoiding Backsliding During The Holidays

 

The holidays are tough for many recovering doormats. If you’re at a gathering where known manipulating narcissists are present, please keep in mind these 4 tips to avoid slippage and backsliding into doormatish behavior.

  1. Do not accommodate.

 This is the number one behavior to stay vigilant about.  Remember, the word NO is your best friend; everyday, and especially during the holidays. Remember to enforce your boundaries because if left unguarded the danger of backsliding into mattish behavior is imminent. (more…)

By |2018-01-16T01:32:27+00:00November 20th, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|0 Comments

Why do I always do the right thing for the wrong people?

Right thing for wrong people

Chances are if you’re a people pleaser you are indiscriminate about whom you care about.  You do for others what you should be doing for yourself.   As an accommodating and passive, non confrontational and easy-going person, hours are spent worrying about doing the right thing. Or worse; worried about the past.  The past which is gone and can’t be changed.  Insecure and terrified about hurting other people’s feelings and doing what others want is the go to behavior of people pleasers; affectionately know as doormats. (more…)

By |2018-01-15T17:34:46+00:00October 18th, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|2 Comments