4 Tips For Avoiding Backsliding During The Holidays

 

The holidays are tough for many recovering doormats. If you’re at a gathering where known manipulating narcissists are present, please keep in mind these 4 tips to avoid slippage and backsliding into doormatish behavior.

  1. Do not accommodate.

 This is the number one behavior to stay vigilant about.  Remember, the word NO is your best friend; everyday, and especially during the holidays. Remember to enforce your boundaries because if left unguarded the danger of backsliding into mattish behavior is imminent.

  1. Refuse to be manipulated.

By now you’re aware of whom the master manipulators in your family and inner circle are. Never relax into a comfort zone with them because that is when they will worm their way across your boundaries.

Awareness of their manipulation tactics is the most important step to avoidance. Their tools include, but are not limited to:  flattery,  a noted change in their usual narcissistic behavior (being too cooperative or too nice) and offering up sob stories in hopes of eliciting pity from you.

And remember NO is your best friend.

  1. No obsessing. Period.

Recognition of obsessing is the first step for avoidance.   The next step is consciously changing what you’re thinking about. Exercise is a great mind altering tool for recovering doormats. If you can get out for a long walk or take a jog, do it!

A bout of holiday blues is normal for many recovering mats.   Holidays may stir up memories that get stuck inside our heads repeating on an endless loop. We may search for relief by over-sharing with whoever is in our company, and this is dangerous. Confiding in a professional mental health specialist is best, but if this isn’t possible, be selective about who you’re sharing your feelings with.

  1. You have a voice, and you’re allowed to use it!

 Don’t let anyone drown out your voice rendering you into a silent state of compliance. Even though it’s the holidays, you can stand up for what you want, disagree and stay true to your beliefs.

Remember;  recovering from doormatism never takes a holiday.

By | 2017-11-20T15:07:52+00:00 November 20th, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|0 Comments

See what’s being said about “My Life as a Doormat”

Reviews from AMAZON

on September 29, 2017
Love, Love Loved this book. One reason was I grew up in Miami Florida and understand Rose Gardener’s life. if you want to get away from all the political B.S. and enjoy reading about something other than the news, this is a great read. I have always felt like I let people walk all over me because I want to please others and don’t want to be thought of as a bitch..Reading this opened my eyes to a real change in my attitude about knowing that you can be kind, nice and not let people take you for granted.This is a clear lesson in what NOT to do. This is her story but I bet you see yourself in Rose. Buy it, read it and you will see there is a big lesson to be learned.
on July 13, 2017
I found MY LIFE AS A DOORMAT to be an easy, quick read, a perfect book choice for summer. Rose’s relatable angst is balanced with just the right dose of humor and a sense of hope for the future. The reader is able to connect with Rose as she deals with doormat challenges on her journey into adulthood.
on February 24, 2016
If you’ve ever known any struggling artists you might recognize them in this very entertaining book. The author painted a very clear portrait of her characters and showed the struggles and growth of the main character. It’s an easy book to read and it is easy to imagine the scenes and players. It was a perfect pick-me-up on a grey winter day! Enjoy!!
on September 12, 2015
What a delightful read. The story of a struggling actress in Manhattan in the early 1980’s truly reflects the vibe of the times. Decisions about career, friendship, romance, family, and life itself are dealt with in a poignant and humorous way that is meaningful to us all. You’ll love reading about Rose’s tribulations and triumphs as she navigates the urban jungle to make her name known. Can’t wait for the sequel.
5.0 out of 5 stars 
Mitch P. (Los Angeles, CA) – November 12, 2014
My Life as a Doormat (Kindle Edition) 
This book stirred up so many memories for me. Its written from the heart, but also with so much humor and originality. Please tell me this is just the beginning of a series. I’m emotionally invested in Rose and her journey. This is a book for all ages and walks of life because you WILL find a part of yourself in it!
If you’ve read My Life as a Doormat please post a review on Amazon.
By | 2017-10-05T12:30:01+00:00 October 5th, 2017|"My Life as a Doormat" Book|0 Comments

Phantom Friends.

FriendsAre you always the one reaching out, making plans and following through? How many times have you excused a friend’s lack of effort within a friendship?  People pleasers need to be mindful of efforts given to friends who don’t reciprocate. Everyone has a lot on their plate and are going through something.  Excusing these excuses is a signature  trademark of doormat behavior.

If you’re feeling ignored and brushed aside by a ‘friend,’  then it’s time to reevaluate the friendship.  Time to adjust your level of effort, and emotional involvement.

If you’re friendship feels one-sided, as if the person is doing you a favor, then do yourself a favor and never bother them again.

By | 2017-07-24T11:21:07+00:00 July 24th, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|0 Comments

Happy 4th of July

July 4thThis summer holiday celebrated in the USA is more than going to the beach, barbecues,  picnics and watermelon.  This holiday commemorates that we are a FREE NATION.  We celebrate this day because millions of Americans sacrificed their lives defending and protecting this precious commodity freedom.  Freedom of speech, the press and the pursuit of happiness.

By | 2017-07-04T10:37:25+00:00 July 4th, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|0 Comments

You have a voice!

you-have-a-voice

Declaring your choices by speaking up is vital for all people pleasers.  Use your voice to perpetuate or negate. For initiating or terminating. You have a right to agree or refute.  All  vocalized decisions enable recovery from doormatism. 

The only decision keeping you stuck in doormat mode is remaining silent.

#standupandspeakout

#empowerment

 

 

By | 2017-02-19T11:30:06+00:00 February 19th, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|2 Comments

True Friends.

 

True friend

What is a true friend?  Many claim this title, but how many are mere acquaintances, people we know in passing ? Or people who disappear when we’re struggling? Or become belligerent, hostile and toxic when we express different opinions.   Perhaps some are adversaries, hiding their true agendas; like wolves in sheep clothing.  Or friends using our failures and disappointments to bolster their egos.

Today, more than ever, it’s necessary to know who’s with you.  In this chaotic climate of change and uncertainty, one thing is absolutely vital:   True friends.  

A true friend loves you at your worst, and celebrates your bests.

 

By | 2017-01-22T11:48:14+00:00 January 22nd, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|2 Comments

October Events

Calling all North Carolina doormats!  

I’ll be at Barnes & Noble on October 15th. See below for details.

My Life As a DoormatI’m so excited for my up-coming book event at Barnes & Noble in Asheville North Carolina on Saturday October 15th at 2:00PM,  If you’re in the area please stop by and say hello!

Saturday, October 15th 2:00PM – 3:30PM

Barnes and Noble in Asheville Mall

3 South Tunnel Road 
Asheville, NC 28805 
828-296-7335 

Author Signing(Biography, Fiction, Humor) 

“Please join us in welcoming author Rose Gardner who will be discussing and signing her book My Life as a Doormat. In this fictionalized biography, it is 1980 and naïve Rose has moved to New York to pursue her acting career. Anxious and uncertain, Rose must learn to stand up and speak for herself — the rallying cry of The Society for Recovering Doormats!”

https://stores.barnesandnoble.com/event/9780061787299-0

By | 2016-10-05T11:26:56+00:00 October 5th, 2016|"My Life as a Doormat" Book|0 Comments

Happy New Year

Many thanks to all visiting and sharing The Society for Recovering Doormats. I want you to know how much I appreciate your viewership here, and on my other social media platforms. 2015 was a year of life lessons and tremendous personal growth and your continued presence helps keep me off the floor too.

As the new year begins, I happily announce the drafting of my second novel.  Many have inquired what happens to Rose after  My life as a Doormat? The second book will answer that question.  Now that I’ve made this announcement public, I guess I have to really set a deadline and get this book done!Happy New Year

Wishing you and your loved ones the happiest and healthiest  New Year possible.

Much love,

Rose.

 

By | 2015-12-29T09:24:50+00:00 December 29th, 2015|Miscellaneous mattiness|2 Comments