Birthdays are a mixed bag.

 

Birthdays. We all have them, and although my emotions are a mixed bag of hope, reflection and self – doubt undermining my years of work on empowerment and self-worth; I still love my birthday!  Milestone birthdays require at least a month-long acknowledgement, and major milestones must be celebrated for the entire year! (more…)

By | 2018-02-05T21:06:24+00:00 February 5th, 2018|Miscellaneous mattiness|2 Comments

Need Validation?

Need validation.

It is 2018.  And for many the world is a challenging place. People seem more judgemental and when they try to stand up for themselves they are made fun of and ganged up upon when what is needed is validation.  The situation feels contradictory to what we, at The Society for Recovering Doormats are working so diligently to overcome. (more…)

By | 2018-01-15T17:10:48+00:00 January 1st, 2018|Miscellaneous mattiness|0 Comments

Speak your Truth.

Why do we feel terrible when we begin standing up for ourselves?

People pleasers are so use to staying silent, accepting abusive and critical verbal abuse that speaking our mind feels unnatural and uncomfortable.  Going along with the general consensus, and not making waves was our MO for so long we believed this to be normal.

During recovery from doormatism, it’s hard to speak our truth. But we must learn how to despite possible residual negative feelings.  The moment the words are spoken we may start traveling down the river of doubt. Then perhaps, turn in ourselves, beating our self up with false beliefs of unworthiness.   And then our most self destructive behavior: forgetting WHY we spoke our truth in the first place.  Forgetting we have the right to defend ourselves without guilt, shame or concern if we’ve upset our abuser is detrimental.

The good news is: our level of uncomfortableness fades the more we practice self care.

Stand up, speak out without guilt or shame.

#offthefloor

 

Anyone ever feel like this?

Anyone ever feel like this?

By | 2016-10-02T09:51:57+00:00 October 2nd, 2016|Miscellaneous mattiness|4 Comments

Break the cycle of self-blaming.

Feeling worthy All humans are flawed and have needs. Except the narcissist. Don’t believe me?  Just ask one. They’ll laundry list their super powers while pointing out and embellishing our weaknesses. Belittling and negating others is their specialty. Reducing another to an unworthy pile of insignificance; their primary goal.

Narcissists, or ‘A’ Listers as we refer to them here at The Society for Recovering Doormats, are dangerous personalities, especially for people pleasing doormats. They are toxic to approval addicts because we’re the first to accept and internalize the terrible lies they proclaim. We think we need their love and approval and validate their vicious, self-serving talk as truth.  But giving credence to their warped views, renders us ashamed and unworthy.

Break the cycle of self-blaming now! The next time you’re feeling too needy and less than the wonderful person you are, remember:  it’s not you!  Consider instead the company you’re keeping.  Chances are they are an ‘all-about-themselves ‘A’ Lister.  

You can’t change them but have a choice to disassociate.  If this isn’t feasible because of life circumstances then disengage with them mentally and emotionally,  Do not give them the power to steal your worthiness. It is every person’s birthright.

By | 2016-07-16T17:08:24+00:00 July 16th, 2016|Miscellaneous mattiness|8 Comments

Stress, Anxiety and Depression

 

One of the biggest challenges of people pleasing, approval addicts is saying ‘no’ because we don’t want to let anyone down.  Instead of speaking our truth and letting our needs known, we accommodate.  We wind up in uncomfortable situations, surrounded by people we don’t want to be around, doing things we’re not interested in. We appease others because disappointing anyone terrifies us.  We want everyone to be happy, and negate our own personal happiness in the process.

We may be unaware of the tremendous price we’re paying by being a ‘yes person.’ Stress, anxiety and depression are byproducts of people pleasing.  By avoiding conflict at all costs we might stave off a disagreement. But by keeping the peace we cause a damaging war inside ourselves.

Please remember this the next time you say yes when you really mean no. Or stay silent when you need to speak up. Stress and anxiety

By | 2016-06-28T22:13:58+00:00 June 28th, 2016|Miscellaneous mattiness|0 Comments

Spring Book Tour in New Jersey and Manhattan

I’m so excited to bring My Life as a Doormat to Barnes & Noble in Manhattan and New Jersey.  I’d love to meet you if you’re in the area.  If you already have my book, bring it and I will sign it. If not, copies will be available.  Below are the dates and times I’ll be there.

New York City event click here –

https://www.facebook.com/events/233817250313926/

New Jersey Event click here –

https://www.facebook.com/events/1704430653130523/

 

#@bneastbrunswick

#@bnupperws

 

Spring book tour

By | 2016-05-13T14:37:55+00:00 May 13th, 2016|"My Life as a Doormat" Book|4 Comments

Book 2 – Work in progress.

I’m writing my next book!  Although I haven’t decided on a final title yet, I’m considering Not Just My Mother’s Daughter. 

Book 2 takes place in the early 1990’s.  Rose Gardner is faced with a new set of challenges, situations and people to stand up to. Many of the same characters from My Life as a Doormat are featured and new ones are added as the complicated relationship between mother and daughter is explored.

Below is  an excerpt.  I’d love to hear what you think of the title, and this blurb.  

Excerpt for Book 2

By | 2016-04-16T12:12:44+00:00 April 16th, 2016|Book 2 untitled|2 Comments