Got Healthy Self-Love?

healthy-self-love

 

“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time.  We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life. ”  Andrew Matthews

 

7 Ways To Stop Obsessing and Feeling Stuck

 

Obsessing  doesn’t have a positive outcome, yet it’s one of the top ten behaviors all people pleasing doormats engage in.  The only thing ruminating will do is get and keep us stuck.  Repeating the same thought over and over, without a solution renders us powerless and stagnant.

If you’re feeling stuck, please read these 7 suggestions for  un-sticking yourself and moving forward.
dark-yellow-paper

Speak your Truth.

Why do we feel terrible when we begin standing up for ourselves?

People pleasers are so use to staying silent, accepting abusive and critical verbal abuse that speaking our mind feels unnatural and uncomfortable.  Going along with the general consensus, and not making waves was our MO for so long we believed this to be normal.

During recovery from doormatism, it’s hard to speak our truth. But we must learn how to despite possible residual negative feelings.  The moment the words are spoken we may start traveling down the river of doubt. Then perhaps, turn in ourselves, beating our self up with false beliefs of unworthiness.   And then our most self destructive behavior: forgetting WHY we spoke our truth in the first place.  Forgetting we have the right to defend ourselves without guilt, shame or concern if we’ve upset our abuser is detrimental.

The good news is: our level of uncomfortableness fades the more we practice self care.

Stand up, speak out without guilt or shame.

#offthefloor

 

Anyone ever feel like this?

Anyone ever feel like this?

Break the cycle of self-blaming.

Feeling worthy All humans are flawed and have needs. Except the narcissist. Don’t believe me?  Just ask one. They’ll laundry list their super powers while pointing out and embellishing our weaknesses. Belittling and negating others is their specialty. Reducing another to an unworthy pile of insignificance; their primary goal.

Narcissists, or ‘A’ Listers as we refer to them here at The Society for Recovering Doormats, are dangerous personalities, especially for people pleasing doormats. They are toxic to approval addicts because we’re the first to accept and internalize the terrible lies they proclaim. We think we need their love and approval and validate their vicious, self-serving talk as truth.  But giving credence to their warped views, renders us ashamed and unworthy.

Break the cycle of self-blaming now! The next time you’re feeling too needy and less than the wonderful person you are, remember:  it’s not you!  Consider instead the company you’re keeping.  Chances are they are an ‘all-about-themselves ‘A’ Lister.  

You can’t change them but have a choice to disassociate.  If this isn’t feasible because of life circumstances then disengage with them mentally and emotionally,  Do not give them the power to steal your worthiness. It is every person’s birthright.

Stress, Anxiety and Depression

 

One of the biggest challenges of people pleasing, approval addicts is saying ‘no’ because we don’t want to let anyone down.  Instead of speaking our truth and letting our needs known, we accommodate.  We wind up in uncomfortable situations, surrounded by people we don’t want to be around, doing things we’re not interested in. We appease others because disappointing anyone terrifies us.  We want everyone to be happy, and negate our own personal happiness in the process.

We may be unaware of the tremendous price we’re paying by being a ‘yes person.’ Stress, anxiety and depression are byproducts of people pleasing.  By avoiding conflict at all costs we might stave off a disagreement. But by keeping the peace we cause a damaging war inside ourselves.

Please remember this the next time you say yes when you really mean no. Or stay silent when you need to speak up. Stress and anxiety

Manhattan Book Event

My book event at Barnes and Noble on the upper west side of NYC was the perfect way to conclude the spring northeast book tour of My Life as a Doormat.  Many thanks to all who attended.

#MyLifeasaDoormat

#bnupperws

Manhattan Book event

Manhattan Book event

Spring Book Tour in New Jersey and Manhattan

I’m so excited to bring My Life as a Doormat to Barnes & Noble in Manhattan and New Jersey.  I’d love to meet you if you’re in the area.  If you already have my book, bring it and I will sign it. If not, copies will be available.  Below are the dates and times I’ll be there.

New York City event click here –

https://www.facebook.com/events/233817250313926/

New Jersey Event click here –

https://www.facebook.com/events/1704430653130523/

 

#@bneastbrunswick

#@bnupperws

 

Spring book tour

April Events – Writing –

This month, I’m seated at my key board working on my next book. (Currently untitled.)  In book 2, many of the same characters from My Life as a Doormat are featured, new ones are added and the complicated relationship between mother and daughter is a primary focus.

I have scheduled some events for late spring and will keep you posted. Right now,                                I’m committed to writing.  Below is  an excerpt.

Excerpt for Book 2

It’s Not My Fault.

It is absolutely not Thinking you’re responsible for others moods, behavior, choices and happiness is an underlying problem for most doormats.  Many of us are empaths, empathizing  and experiencing  the feelings and thoughts of others as our own. And worse; taking responsibility for them.  Detaching is an arduous task but can be achieved. Next time you’re around someone who’s in a funk, remember this one truth: “It’s not my fault ” and respond accordingly.

Unless your life is reclusive, and interaction with others is negligible, reminding yourself      it is not your fault is paramount for becoming and remaining a recovering doormat.

Need daily reminders? Or a meaningful gift for the recovering doormat in your life? Visit The Society for Recovering Doormat Shop by following the link below –http://www.cafepress.com/+society-doormats+gifts

All there are in this world are other people…

Who hasn’t met an all-about-themself narcissist?  The Society for Recovering Doormats  term for them is ‘A’ Listers. They aren’t starring in movies, and walking the red carpet but  regard themselves as famous, powerful and better than every one else .  These celebrities in their own mind are preoccupied with judging and determining other’s worthiness and clueless about important life values.  Kindness, compassion and gratitude aren’t on their radar.  Doormats fall prey to ‘A’ Listers manipulation and unwittingly permit them to play judge and juror.

It is time to stop the madness  and remind these  individuals that “all there are in this world are other people, none are lesser or greater than you.”  If you can’t stand up and speak out to them, please stand up and speak out to yourself. We are all people