Protecting Your Children from Cyberbullying.

No child deserves to be bulliedProtecting Your Children From Cyberbullying
By Laura Pearson

Protecting Your Children From Cyberbullying

Kids more-or-less stay the same. They still love to play, they get embarrassed by their parents, and unfortunately, they suffer from bullying from time to time. However, the Information Age has changed things. “Traditional” bullying still exists in schools and playgrounds, but now that so many kids have smartphones and social media accounts, bullying has adapted to work online.

This is cyberbullying, and there’s a chance your own children are subject to this harassment right now. There are some actions you can take to protect your kids, but before these will work, you need to understand what counts as cyberbullying.

A Modern Twist On An Old Problem

What exactly is cyberbullying? Like regular bullying, it’s when someone threatens, humiliates, or or harasses someone else. But because it’s online, cyberbullying is different. The threats and harassment take place through email, texts, social media, and more. There’s no real chance of getting physically harmed, but that doesn’t mean the problem is less important.

Common Sense Media list a few examples of cyberbullying, such as:

  • Threatening someone through texts.
  • Taking embarrassing photos and sharing them online.
  • Spreading damaging rumors

Cyberbullying can be as simple as saying someone is a slut, but it can also be complex and involve hacking into people’s emails, editing photos, and even identity theft. Unfortunately, cyberbullying is just as strong and hurtful as the real thing.

How Microaggressions Work

However, cyberbullying isn’t always easy to spot. There are many subtle ways your children can be bullied in real life or online. In fact, The Treehouse lists three subtle ways bullying can be done:

  1. Microassaults are not literal assaults. They’re when a bully insults your children’s gender or background. Although it’s not an attack, it still hurts.
  2. Microinsults are when bullies skip talking about your children directly and instead make fun of their race, ethnicity, or nationality.
  3. Microinvalidations are when a bully intentionally disregards your children’s situation, including saying racism or sexism doesn’t exist.

Because they are subtle, your children may feel they are not being bullied. But if these actions are done to hurt your kids, that’s what matters.

Spotting & Addressing Cyberbullying

If your kids are facing any kind of cyberbullying, microaggressions or outright identity theft, you want to do something to help protect your children. But how do you know it’s even happening? Many kids are so embarrassed that they don’t talk about it.

That’s why Stop Bullying recommends that you stay aware of what your kids are doing online. If you can follow your kids online without being intrusive, then you have a better idea of what your children are facing. But you also need to establish some smart rules about being online, such as making passwords strong and not getting into arguments online.

If your child reports any cyberbullying, be sure to acknowledge it as real and serious. Even if you think they need to grow a thicker skin, accepting their pain as real now makes it much more likely that they can trust you in the future.

Lastly, talk to your children’s school about the problem. Many times, the cyberbully is someone your kids know from school and they might be able to intervene.

Cyberbullying Is All Too Real

While there is something to be said about letting kids develop ways to handle bullying, harassment like this can be very damaging. Because kids are so into social media and staying online, cyberbullying is particularly devastating to your children. That’s why you need to know what cyberbullying is. If your child reports any problems online, be sure to take them seriously because your children certainly will.

 

 

Phantom Friends.

FriendsAre you always the one reaching out, making plans and following through? How many times have you excused a friend’s lack of effort within a friendship?  People pleasers need to be mindful of efforts given to friends who don’t reciprocate. Everyone has a lot on their plate and are going through something.  Excusing these excuses is a signature  trademark of doormat behavior.

If you’re feeling ignored and brushed aside by a ‘friend,’  then it’s time to reevaluate the friendship.  Time to adjust your level of effort, and emotional involvement.

If you’re friendship feels one-sided, as if the person is doing you a favor, then do yourself a favor and never bother them again.

How To Avoid TURN BURN.

knife drawerThe most important thing to remember when in conversation with a turner is never let your guard down.  You may feel comfortable and safe and that is what the turner is waiting for.   The turner uses your open and vulnerable state as their cue to wield a nasty toxic remark at you. Or say something to undermine your confidence. Or both.  And last but not least: do not over-share.  Even if you’re in party mode and feeling the love.  Unfiltered  chatter and TMI can lead to the turner’s knife drawer.  They might not throw one at you immediately, opting for another time when they will double their arsenal.

 

TURN BURN.

Turners

Beware of the turner.

Turners are usually close and trusted friends and relatives.  They are our confidants because they feel like a safe haven until  disagreeing  with them. Then, turners are vicious and nasty, just like the narcissist. But worse because we trusted them and never suspected their toxic side.

The main difference between a narcissist and turner (although they are kissing cousins) are the recognizable red flags preceding the narc.  The turner doesn’t exhibit  warning signals. Their status is only realized after burning us.  They are more dangerous than narcs because much energy,  love and trust is invested in them. Many times, we excuse away the first attack because we can’t believe our dear one is capable of this hurtful behavior.

Once a turner shows you who they are; believe them the first time.  They will do it again and again if you allow them the first trespass. Distance yourself emotionally and avoid another turn burn.

We have to believe.

I believe with all my heart

With the current chaos in our world, amplified and distorted by the media 24/7, it is easy to get caught up in the turmoil. Today, more than ever, we have to believe better days are coming.  Repeat this thought often and share it with others.  As recovering doormats we can’t let these turbulent times send us back to hiding within our comfort zones.  We can’t use it as an excuse not to stand up and move forward.

I believe with all my heart better days are coming and encourage all to do the same.

 

 

 

 

Got Healthy Self-Love?

healthy-self-love

 

“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time.  We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life. ”  Andrew Matthews

 

You have a voice!

you-have-a-voice

Declaring your choices by speaking up is vital for all people pleasers.  Use your voice to perpetuate or negate. For initiating or terminating. You have a right to agree or refute.  All  vocalized decisions enable recovery from doormatism. 

The only decision keeping you stuck in doormat mode is remaining silent.

#standupandspeakout

#empowerment

 

 

True Friends.

 

True friend

What is a true friend?  Many claim this title, but how many are mere acquaintances, people we know in passing ? Or people who disappear when we’re struggling? Or become belligerent, hostile and toxic when we express different opinions.   Perhaps some are adversaries, hiding their true agendas; like wolves in sheep clothing.  Or friends using our failures and disappointments to bolster their egos.

Today, more than ever, it’s necessary to know who’s with you.  In this chaotic climate of change and uncertainty, one thing is absolutely vital:   True friends.  

A true friend loves you at your worst, and celebrates your bests.

 

Welcome 2017 Happy New Year

Thank you to all who visit, comment and share The Society for Recovering Doormats. Wishing everyone a safe, peaceful, healthy and happy new year.  Sending big hugs and much love to all.   *Ivy Tobin aka Rose Gardner.

For newbies here:  *Ivy Tobin aka Rose Gardner:   I am an author and Rose is my alter ego.  I use her strength to help others stand up and speak out and realize they are not alone.

We’re all standing up and speaking out together.  Rose can always lead the way,  sometimes as a conduit for all struggling. Or just someone to reach out to on-line when no one else will listen.

Ivy is a recovering doormat, trying my best my best to stay off the floor. 

happy-new-year

I’m doing the best I can and that’s all that matters.

i-will-ignore-others-judgements-about-me

 

How many times have we accepted others views without question? Allowed their thoughts to reign supreme and leave our own opinions unspoken. Or IF we speak out, and our ideas are met with disapproval, contempt, and invalidated, remain silent and allow others to feed our self-doubts.

People pleasers, aka doormats, accept others negative views as absolute truth because we’re programmed not to make waves, or disagree.  Stuffing down our own feelings and opinions is harmful and results in self-doubt, low self-esteem and inordinate amounts of stress.  Allowing other people’s thoughts and values to govern our lives is dangerous because it determines our self-worth.

STOP listening to other people. 

Being aware of this pitfall is an important step in recovering from doormatism.  Knowing that other’s value judgements don’t matter is freeing!   Validating our own efforts, accomplishments and self-worth is all that’s important.

We are doing the best we can and that is enough.