Why do I always do the right thing for the wrong people?

Right thing for wrong people

Chances are if you’re a people pleaser you are indiscriminate about whom you care about.  You do for others what you should be doing for yourself.   As an accommodating and passive, non confrontational and easy-going person, hours are spent worrying about doing the right thing. Or worse; worried about the past.  The past which is gone and can’t be changed.  Insecure and terrified about hurting other people’s feelings and doing what others want is the go to behavior of people pleasers; affectionately know as doormats.

When you give to like-minded people the rewards of you selfless behavior is acknowledged, appreciated, valued and loved.   But when the recipients of your good heart and intentions are narcissists, there is zero benefit. You’re left feeling judged and worthless. Nothing you ever do is good enough and they manipulate and dictate your every move according to their needs.

Why would anyone get involved with someone like this?  I believe it’s  a subconscious choice because narcissist are drawn to good-natured folks like us;  just like bees to honey.  They  disguise their ulterior motive and agendas until confidant they have us under their evil spell.  By the time we realize the one-sideness of the relationship it takes a long time to make a final exit.  But exit we must.

 

 

By | 2017-10-18T11:29:41+00:00 October 18th, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|2 Comments

Phantom Friends.

FriendsAre you always the one reaching out, making plans and following through? How many times have you excused a friend’s lack of effort within a friendship?  People pleasers need to be mindful of efforts given to friends who don’t reciprocate. Everyone has a lot on their plate and are going through something.  Excusing these excuses is a signature  trademark of doormat behavior.

If you’re feeling ignored and brushed aside by a ‘friend,’  then it’s time to reevaluate the friendship.  Time to adjust your level of effort, and emotional involvement.

If you’re friendship feels one-sided, as if the person is doing you a favor, then do yourself a favor and never bother them again.

By | 2017-07-24T11:21:07+00:00 July 24th, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|0 Comments

How To Avoid TURN BURN.

knife drawerThe most important thing to remember when in conversation with a turner is never let your guard down.  You may feel comfortable and safe and that is what the turner is waiting for.   The turner uses your open and vulnerable state as their cue to wield a nasty toxic remark at you. Or say something to undermine your confidence. Or both.  And last but not least: do not over-share.  Even if you’re in party mode and feeling the love.  Unfiltered  chatter and TMI can lead to the turner’s knife drawer.  They might not throw one at you immediately, opting for another time when they will double their arsenal.

 

By | 2017-05-22T15:03:09+00:00 May 22nd, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|3 Comments

TURN BURN.

Turners

Beware of the turner.

Turners are usually close and trusted friends and relatives.  They are our confidants because they feel like a safe haven until  disagreeing  with them. Then, turners are vicious and nasty, just like the narcissist. But worse because we trusted them and never suspected their toxic side.

The main difference between a narcissist and turner (although they are kissing cousins) are the recognizable red flags preceding the narc.  The turner doesn’t exhibit  warning signals. Their status is only realized after burning us.  They are more dangerous than narcs because much energy,  love and trust is invested in them. Many times, we excuse away the first attack because we can’t believe our dear one is capable of this hurtful behavior.

Once a turner shows you who they are; believe them the first time.  They will do it again and again if you allow them the first trespass. Distance yourself emotionally and avoid another turn burn.

By | 2017-05-18T12:30:09+00:00 May 18th, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|11 Comments

True Friends.

 

True friend

What is a true friend?  Many claim this title, but how many are mere acquaintances, people we know in passing ? Or people who disappear when we’re struggling? Or become belligerent, hostile and toxic when we express different opinions.   Perhaps some are adversaries, hiding their true agendas; like wolves in sheep clothing.  Or friends using our failures and disappointments to bolster their egos.

Today, more than ever, it’s necessary to know who’s with you.  In this chaotic climate of change and uncertainty, one thing is absolutely vital:   True friends.  

A true friend loves you at your worst, and celebrates your bests.

 

By | 2017-01-22T11:48:14+00:00 January 22nd, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|2 Comments

Friday’s with Dr. Terry Segal

I’m so honored having Dr. Terry Segal with us providing professional insight for many problems recovering doormats face.  She’ll be with us every Friday until the year’s end.

11/4   Click below and read how to handle unacceptable behavior in a healthy, empowering way    http://enchantedjourney.club/unacceptable-behavior/?subscribe=success#blog_subscription-3

11/ 11 Click below and read about not taking responsibility for other  peoples bad moods moodshttp://enchantedjourney.club/assuming-responsibility-others-bad-moods/

11/18 Click below and read about self blame and how to stop –http://enchantedjourney.club/self-blame/

12/2 Click below and read about apologizing. ALL recovering mats do this and many in excess.  A must read for all visiting.  – http://enchantedjourney.club/apologize/

12/9 Click below and read about how to deal with demeaning behavior.  http://enchantedjourney.club/silent-demeaning-behavior/

12/16 Click below and get some guidance with confrontation and negating feelings  http://enchantedjourney.club/confrontation-negating-feelings/

By | 2016-11-04T12:16:16+00:00 November 4th, 2016|Miscellaneous mattiness, Uncategorized|0 Comments