Got Healthy Self-Love?

healthy-self-love

 

“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time.  We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life. ”  Andrew Matthews

 

You have a voice!

you-have-a-voice

Declaring your choices by speaking up is vital for all people pleasers.  Use your voice to perpetuate or negate. For initiating or terminating. You have a right to agree or refute.  All  vocalized decisions enable recovery from doormatism. 

The only decision keeping you stuck in doormat mode is remaining silent.

#standupandspeakout

#empowerment

 

 

True Friends.

 

True friend

What is a true friend?  Many claim this title, but how many are mere acquaintances, people we know in passing ? Or people who disappear when we’re struggling? Or become belligerent, hostile and toxic when we express different opinions.   Perhaps some are adversaries, hiding their true agendas; like wolves in sheep clothing.  Or friends using our failures and disappointments to bolster their egos.

Today, more than ever, it’s necessary to know who’s with you.  In this chaotic climate of change and uncertainty, one thing is absolutely vital:   True friends.  

A true friend loves you at your worst, and celebrates your bests.

 

I’m doing the best I can and that’s all that matters.

i-will-ignore-others-judgements-about-me

 

How many times have we accepted others views without question? Allowed their thoughts to reign supreme and leave our own opinions unspoken. Or IF we speak out, and our ideas are met with disapproval, contempt, and invalidated, remain silent and allow others to feed our self-doubts.

People pleasers, aka doormats, accept others negative views as absolute truth because we’re programmed not to make waves, or disagree.  Stuffing down our own feelings and opinions is harmful and results in self-doubt, low self-esteem and inordinate amounts of stress.  Allowing other people’s thoughts and values to govern our lives is dangerous because it determines our self-worth.

STOP listening to other people. 

Being aware of this pitfall is an important step in recovering from doormatism.  Knowing that other’s value judgements don’t matter is freeing!   Validating our own efforts, accomplishments and self-worth is all that’s important.

We are doing the best we can and that is enough.

7 Ways To Stop Obsessing and Feeling Stuck

 

Obsessing  doesn’t have a positive outcome, yet it’s one of the top ten behaviors all people pleasing doormats engage in.  The only thing ruminating will do is get and keep us stuck.  Repeating the same thought over and over, without a solution renders us powerless and stagnant.

If you’re feeling stuck, please read these 7 suggestions for  un-sticking yourself and moving forward.
dark-yellow-paper

Beware.

beware.

If you’re a too-nice-for-your-own-good people pleaser it’s feasible you may have a narcissist or two in your life. Or circling.  Feeling manipulated or controlled by a certain person, or group?  Take a closer look at who you’re investing your time in. Just because YOU don’t have a secret agenda for them, doesn’t mean they aren’t pulling your strings for self-serving needs that have nothing to do with caring about you.

They circle like vultures and prey upon the good hearted: They’re hiding in plain sight, but difficult to see until it’s too late.

Beware of the narcissist.  

The Society for Recovering Doormats turns 4 today.

Four years ago today, I began my site on Facebook.  A few months later I expanded to this blog site.  In late November of 2014 My Life as a Doormat, a novel I’d spent 10 years developing, was published

In 2015 I started my book tour, many signings and events at Barnes and Nobles in Florida.  I also opened an on-line-store on Cafe Press. I’m a little technology challenged, but by some miracle by the end of 2015 I managed to get onto most social media platforms. I also began work on my second novel; a sequel to My Life as a Doormat.

During 2016 I continued touring in Florida, and included New Jersey, New York City and Asheville North Carolina.  August’s highlight was being interviewed on a PBS TV show called Between The Covers. Since I was an actor long before writing, I was very excited to do the show, and my interest for getting back into ‘show biz’ renewed.

So here I am, 4 years, a book, and 70, 400 followers later, wondering what to do next?

Many thanks to all sharing my vision and  supporting my journey.

4 years old

Speak your Truth.

Why do we feel terrible when we begin standing up for ourselves?

People pleasers are so use to staying silent, accepting abusive and critical verbal abuse that speaking our mind feels unnatural and uncomfortable.  Going along with the general consensus, and not making waves was our MO for so long we believed this to be normal.

During recovery from doormatism, it’s hard to speak our truth. But we must learn how to despite possible residual negative feelings.  The moment the words are spoken we may start traveling down the river of doubt. Then perhaps, turn in ourselves, beating our self up with false beliefs of unworthiness.   And then our most self destructive behavior: forgetting WHY we spoke our truth in the first place.  Forgetting we have the right to defend ourselves without guilt, shame or concern if we’ve upset our abuser is detrimental.

The good news is: our level of uncomfortableness fades the more we practice self care.

Stand up, speak out without guilt or shame.

#offthefloor

 

Anyone ever feel like this?

Anyone ever feel like this?

“Between the Covers”

In August I was interviewed on Between The Covers.  I had a wonderful time on the half hour television show dedicated to interviewing authors.  The episode airs on September 30th & October 1st.  I’m very excited and hope you’ll tune in or click here to view on line – http://www.pbs.org/video/2365847545/

Between The Covers airs in West Palm Beach and all of South Florida on WXEL PBS, on Sept. 30th at 5:30 pm & Oct. 1st at 10.00 am.  Wxel promopromo-for-btc

Stress Triggers

Button pushersWe all know people who are masters at pushing our buttons. Most are family members and close friends. They aren’t toxic but cause enormous stress. They’re well-meaning but their good intentions are counterproductive to our needs and elevate our stress level.

Knowing WHO these people are, then keeping a safe distance (especially in stressful situations) is one way to manage their good intentions.