Rose’s Empowerment Pyramid

Definitions for Rose’s Empowerment Pyramid 


Lingo used at The Society for Recovering Doormats



Doormat aka ‘D’ Listers — People suffering from addiction to people-pleasing, who have low self-esteem, depression, a victim mentality, and are afraid to assert themselves.

‘C’ Listers — Once you’ve taken the first step off the mat you begin your journey as a Recovering Doormat. First level up are those comfortable with themselves, but who are still afraid to speak their mind and avoid conflict at all costs.

‘B’ Listers — The second level of recovery for the doormat. Peeps on the ‘B’ Listers are brave and bold Recovering Doormats who take chances and risks while putting themselves out there.

Empowerment — Nirvana. All recovering doormats strive for this state of being. Few people are born empowered but there’s a select lucky few who are. An empowered is confident from within and doesn’t care what any one else says or does. Fully empowered peeps are virtually unaffected by anyone else’s drama or issues. Most recovering doormats rarely achieve full empowerment, vacillating between ‘bold and brave’ and empowerment.

Matify – Justifying our matty behavior. For example : ” I had to get my daughter the new iphone, otherwise she would yell and be mad at me.”

Matty –  Acting, feeling or being treated like a doormat.

Mat work – People pleasing.

MATnificent – Wonderful!

Mativersal – Events, and feelings experienced  by doormats worldwide.

Mat Nemeses: (enemies)

‘A’ Listers — ‘A’ Listers are ‘all about themselves’. Celebrities in their own minds. They enlist doormats to dump on. ‘A’ Lister’s aren’t happy when a Recovering Doormat speaks up and says ‘no’. ‘A’ Lister’s do anything to ensure mats remain where they are certain they belong: and that is always, without exception, on the ‘D’ List. Use caution when dealing with an ‘A’ lister. You’ll never be on their ‘A’ list and they encourage and enable your worst doormat behavior.

‘F’ Listers aka Fishy — Fishy, are peeps residing on the ‘F’ List. Drama queens, pathological liars targeting your dreams then ingratiating themselves quickly and completely into your life. Beware the fishy, they are manipulative, exhausting time sucks and very damaging to the recovering doormat.

Apprentice –   A wannabe ‘A’ Lister and close friend to an A lister. Apprentice’s support and get caught up in the “A’s” delusion of grandeur, and thus doom themselves to endless mattiness.

Doormies – Affectionate slang name for doormats.

32 thoughts on “Rose’s Empowerment Pyramid

  1. I do trust all with the concepts youve presented for your post. They are truly convincing and can undoubtedly work. Nonetheless, the posts are too brief for newbies. Could just you please lengthen them slightly from next time? Thanks for the post.

      • Hello

        I love this website,   But now can’t get into my world press account. I really need your wonderful insight, will really help me in my doormat life.

        Thank you


        Sent from Molto for iPad

        • Hi Rosemary, thanks so much for shouting out. If I had a nickel for every time I couldn’t remember my passwords, got locked out of word press, and had technical issues with other social media sights, I’d be very rich 🙂 Then, the worst part is trying to figure it all out again. Again. And again. You are not alone. Thanks again for stopping by. Rose.

          • Hello Rose
            I have tried to assert myself, much to the A listers indignation and surprise. I have to otherwise I sink into apathy and subsequent depression. Still find myself giving up on my little achievements of power. I intend to be more assertive, but most times find it all too tiring then just want to go and curl up in bed under the duvet covers and sleep, my life away. Or sit and feel totally apathetic.

            Thank you for this wonderful outlet, at least I can put in print my emotional state of mind.
            ,I am actually very keen to stop taking meds. for depression.

          • Hi Rosemary, thanks so much for shouting out to me. I am so glad you’re here. Keep up the good work, and remember every little step forward is a milestone. Pat yourself on the back and continue asserting YOU! ❤

  2. I cannot believe there are so many others feeling and living their lives like I have been for far too long. I’m sick of being the victim, worthy only of being the target of others drama. Fix this….take that and btw, always say that I’m sorry! As i stumbled upon this site today, my recovery has already began and well underway so you’ll understand when I say that I’ve confused and made a lot of people mad at me and they think they have dumped me or isolated me from their lives but actually it has been me that has moved on from them. I’m officially joining this group today knowing that my fellow recovery partners will help me with my walk out to freedom. Love the site Rose! LET’S ROLL!

    • Hi Debra. WELOME!!! I am so happy you are here with us. There are thousands standing up and speaking out at The Society for Recovering Doormats FB page as well. I am so delighted to see you here on my blog, and invite you to visit me on FB as well. Thanks so much for officially joining, and walking your walk out to freedom. You are not alone in this journey. Your friend, Rose. ❤

  3. Whenever I can summon up the courage to be playful with my husband of 47 years I get rebuffed in no uncertain way. I cannot understand this attitude, he then goes out of his way to butter me up.

    • So frustrating Rosemary! You are not alone. I don’t know what the answer to this is. Wishing you a wonderful 2015, and thanks so much for visiting my site today. ❤ Rose

    • Hi Rosemary, your struggle is not uncommon. So many people shout out about their long-time partners showing little or zero interest in being playful with their them. I feel your angst Rosemary and can only say you are not alone! ❤

  4. Thank you, I feel a little better, also realize that we all have our on and off days. Recovering from a heart bypass does not make for a playful mood. I have to be careful otherwise I get trigemal neuralgia across the eyes, thank God have been free of angst. Thank you for getting back to me. God Bless you for your help.

  5. You have no idea how much this web site has the potential to help with emotions of helplessness. On complaining of the lack of interest, am reminded of the housekeeping being done. I could have wept if it was not for the fact that I have adjusted to the lack of intimacy ever since my other’s retirement. I say adjusted but still have mixed emotions and difficulty with this situation. This opportunity is a saving grace. Thank you, thank you. God Bless.

    • Hi Rosemary, Always glad to hear when someone is being helped by my insights and ponderings. Remember to keep finding and doing things that bring you joy. Stay away from toxic people, stand up and speak out and continue moving forward. With much love, Rose Gardner.

  6. Hi there I have found this very interesting and I am sure if I apply it to my life it will change for the better xx

  7. I love this! Your facebook page and blog have really helped me. I was married for 23 years to a narcissist. We’ve been divorced for almost a year but because we still have a 15 year old son, I have to continually play his “games.” I’m getting better at standing up for myself and refuse to be controlled anymore. Your posts are just what I need to help get through some of the bad days.

    • Hi Lisa, so happy to read that you are standing up and speaking out!!!! Good for you. Continue your empowered behavior and thanks so much for your comment. ❤️ Rose G

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