It’s been awhile since posting on my blog site, and I hope all are well. As I grow older, time disappears at a rapid rate. Fall flashed by and the next thing I know it’s the end of February. Where does all this time go? I’ve spent the winter revisiting my past. Not to recreate it, but to draw from it as I work on my next novel, Not Just My Mother’s Daughter. Writing this sequel to My Life as a Doormat is a labor of love. Spending hours within the archives of my memory, conjuring up recollections from a buried past is daunting. It is a bittersweet journey and the brick and mortar of my writing. (more…)
2015 was a year of growth. My blog blossomed, my other social media platforms grew, (FaceBook ended the year with 58,000 followers) my book sold world wide (in print and electronically) I launched my on-line store on CafePress and I only gained 2 pounds.
I’m grateful for my health and my journey throughout 2015 and thank you for visiting my sites, reading my book, sharing your thoughts and standing up with me.
Wishing all a happy, healthy and stand up New Year
With love and gratitude,
PS If you’re interested in statistics, below is the 2015 official report on The Society for Recovering Doormats
Yesterday I had lunch with a ‘D’ Lister friend from my early doormat days in Manhattan; Judy. I barely recognized her when she entered the restaurant forty three minutes after I’d arrived. Dressed beautifully and with an air of confidence, I wondered if she was the SAME Judy I’d waited tables and checked coats with decades ago. After air kissing hello, we sat down in a back booth and began catching up.
Ten minutes into our visit Judy complained about the draft from the air conditioning vents and we table hopped until she was satisfied. Judy wasn’t a doormat anymore, she was confident and poised while she sent her soup back (twice). Didn’t she remember what WE did when a customer complained? “Do you wanna spit in it Rose, or is it my turn?”. We’d laugh and then watch the poor unsuspecting schmuck eat the food we had gleefully violated.
Judy the Doormat was now Judy the Bold. She’d raised up off the floor and elevated onto the ‘B’ List, but obviously forgotten how risky sending back food was.
After the initial flood of conversation, table changing and food complaining Judy spent the remainder of our visit Tex-ting & talking on her iPhone. I sat silently suspecting my former comrade on the ‘D’ list wasn’t a ‘B’ Lister. No, she’d fallen into a dangerous trap that so many recovering doormats are vulnerable to. Judy was an ‘A’ Lister. She was ‘all about her’ and her behavior threw me right back on my mat.
Her abrupt exit after an “Oh my word, I’m running so late Rose, I have another appointment!” confirmed my suspicion. Appointment? When had our lunch date turn into a business meeting?
I watched Judy trot off in her four inch heels and my heart sank. We didn’t have any thing in common. She had cringed when I reminisced about our days in Manhattan and changed the subject. Judy, once a sweet, caring doormat had transformed into a rude, self absorbed ‘A’ Lister and a complete stranger.
Rose’s recovery rule # 8 – As you evolve off the ‘D’ List, be careful not to fall into the trap of becoming an ‘A’ Lister. Never forget that those ‘A’s are the ones responsible for putting us on on the ‘D’ List in the first place.
‘Til next time,
Stand up & speak out!
Hi Mats. I’m having a manic Monday and still feeling angry about last weeks encounter with an ‘A’ Lister. While standing in a long return line at Macy’s I struck up a conversation with the gal in front of me. I excitedly told her about the “Society,” my growing audience on Facebook, and my blog. Sharing insights about doormats and our journey towards empowerment felt exhilarating; until the awkward silence that followed.
“I’ve never had any of those “D” Lister experiences,” she commented then feigned a confused look while sticking her surgically enhanced nose up in the air. Seconds later she inched away from me as if I had lice and turned her back towards me.
I felt like a doormat.
A minute later the stranger glanced over her shoulder mouthing “good luck.” It wasn’t long until she turned around and faced me again. “Your Society just isn’t for me. But my SISTER would fit right in.” She said as serious as a heart attack.
The woman is an ‘A’ Lister : A celebrity in her own mind and the worst nemesis of the doormat. I should’ve stood up and spoke out, but my inner “D” took over and I stayed silent.
What would you have done? Rose.
Sunday I had brunch with a friend from college. We hadn’t seen each other in years and I was thrilled when Terry contacted me through “The Society”. We sat in the back of a crowded diner and caught up while munching buttered bagels and sipping mimosas. After an hour of reminiscing Terry popped the question.
“I want to be a member of ‘The Society'” She said in earnest. “But, what list would I be on?”
Usually this was an easy request to comply with but Terry was not a doormat. Nor was she empowered. Where did she fit in? I pondered her question while the waitress freshened our drinks. “I honestly don’t know”. I took a long sip and considered the dilemma. What list would best suit her? In truth, there wasn’t one.
“Rose, I truly want to be a member.” Her blue eyes sparkled with anticipation.
I couldn’t turn her away. How would she feel being denied membership to “The Society for Recovering Doormats” simply because there wasn’t a suitable list for her to reside on?
“So Rose, Whadda ya think? Is there a place for me?” She persisted.
While finishing my drink the dilemma of what list to place Terry and like minded peeps upon was solved. “Terry, you are a doormat sympathizer!” I smiled knowing the title suited her perfectly.
Terry beamed. “Doormat sympathizer” she repeated. “I like it!”
In the instant between the bagels and mimosas a new list emerged. A list suitable for the non doormats but those not-yet-empowered: Doormat Sympathizer. Peeps that understand the journey of the doormat, but aren’t one. A new demographic included within the “Society”.
Many thanks to Terry for the inspiration.
Wishing all a wonderful day.
Standing up and speaking out. Rose
Please visit ‘The Society’s’ additional site on WORDPRESS. Click the light blue W and you’re instantly transported there. So easy, any doormat can do it. Remember, you don’t have to be a doormat to visit. (But it helps) Standing up and speaking out. Rose.
Hi everyone. The Society now has an official blog site for us to follow and share thoughts and experiences at http://www.thesocietyforrecoveringdoormats.wordpress.com. Take a look and let me know what you think – Rose
Monday, February 4
This morning I was at the McDonald’s drive-thru when a ladybug flew through my car window and lighted upon the steering wheel. “A ladybug! In February?” I gently laid my finger beside the red and black speck hoping the little bugger would crawl onboard. The ladybug flew off the steering wheel and landed smack dab in the middle of my lower lip. I felt a teensy pinch and suspect the tiny creature kissed me. A moment later the lady bug flew off. Wahoo!! It’s my lucky day! Ladybugs bring good luck; everyone knows that. Right?
I won’t fly on Friday the thirteenth, or walk under ladders. My superstitions began in childhood while avoiding sidewalk cracks, and blaming my teen-aged angst on broken mirrors. Now, as a well educated adult, I no longer believe in unlucky side walk cracks or negative experiences perpetuated by broken mirrors. But I do believe in lucky Ladybugs.
Illogical as it is, I can’t seem to shake this doormat behavior of allowing numbers, objects and the occasional insect, control over my life. Intellectually I realize this is ill suited to the recovering doormat lifestyle. It’s tough behavior to let go of; but I am trying. (Wish me luck.)
Standing up and knocking on wood. Rose
Friday, February 1
Fantastic Friday, It is February. The month of love. Many mats cringe knowing that Valentine’s day is approaching because it’s a sad reminder of love gone wrong. I feel compelled to repost a story that I ran over Christmas. One to give us hope and warm the heart.
Early this morning I received the news: two members of our group made a love connection! They met right here at ‘The Society for Recovering Doormats’ in early November. Shortly after matting around they began an off line romance. I am so thrilled that our group isn’t just a place for recovering doormats to gather for insight and help, but a dating site as well.
The members asked to remain anonymous, but I hope you love birds are enjoying your first Christmas day together. You give all mats hope for finding that special someone . Move over ‘Match.com’ & ‘J Date’.
There is a very exciting update to this story. After a whirlwind romance these star crossed lovers got engaged last Saturday, and are planning for a June wedding.
I hope I’m invited.
Rose’s Recovery Rule ~ Eleven~ “Love comes from the most unexpected places.” Embrace It. Standing up and speaking out.