The Society For Recovering Doormats Turns 5!


I’d been a people pleaser since childhood. Being a polite, caring, thoughtful, kind and non-confrontational person was ingrained by my Mother. I didn’t know there was an alternative way to behave and treated everyone with respect and love; except myself. Years of this behavior chipped away at my self-confidence, worth and esteem.

In my twenties, I realized something was wrong but I didn’t know what. As an actor and writer accepting rejection was my status quo and confirmed my feelings of worthlessness. Since I didn’t know there was another way to feel, I accepted my self-doubt, and insecurities as normal.

Later in life this became an ongoing conversation with my therapist.

On a hot day in July 2012, I received another rejection letter from a publisher who I’d sent a query to about my book. I stuffed the letter inside my purse and went to see my therapist. In tears, I told him I was done with writing. He suggested taking a break from submitting my book. “Why don’t you start a page on Facebook?” I wasn’t technology savvy and the thought learning social media was daunting. And besides, what would I write about? “Write about something you’re good at.” My therapist offered.

I thought for several minutes and couldn’t think of a single thing. Then I blurted out, “I’m good at being a doormat.”

“Then write about that!” His eyes light up.

I left my appointment confused, and scared. I stored his suggestion in the back of my mind. Then on a rainy night in late October I started wondering about what my therapist had said. A few days later, after figuring out how to put up a page I took a deep breath and began writing. Unsure of what I’d say, or what my page would be, I forged ahead. The only thing I knew was I couldn’t be the only person out there who put everyone else’s needs and desires first. There must be a few others feeling “less than” and not good enough. Perhaps people who were too nice for their own good needed someplace to vent, rant, and share their struggles. And so I created The Society for Recovering Doormats – A safe place for people pleasers to visit.  And visit they did, by the thousands.

Now with over 76,000 Facebook followers, I’ve expanded to other social media platforms including this blog site The Society for Recovering Doormats, INSTAGRAM, and twitter. I published my first book, My Life as a Doormat in 2014, and am working on the sequel Not Just My Mother’s Daughter.  Also in the works is a self – help book called Off The Floor.

To mark my 5 year milestone anniversary, I’ve started a newsletter which you can receive for free by signing up with your email address on this blog site.

Many thanks to all who visit and share, I appreciate you more than words can say. Here’s to another 5 years of standing up and speaking out together!

With love and gratitude,
Ivy Tobin aka Rose Gardner

By | 2017-11-06T17:48:31+00:00 October 23rd, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness|4 Comments

Welcome 2017 Happy New Year

Thank you to all who visit, comment and share The Society for Recovering Doormats. Wishing everyone a safe, peaceful, healthy and happy new year.  Sending big hugs and much love to all.   *Ivy Tobin aka Rose Gardner.

For newbies here:  *Ivy Tobin aka Rose Gardner:   I am an author and Rose is my alter ego.  I use her strength to help others stand up and speak out and realize they are not alone.

We’re all standing up and speaking out together.  Rose can always lead the way,  sometimes as a conduit for all struggling. Or just someone to reach out to on-line when no one else will listen.

Ivy is a recovering doormat, trying my best my best to stay off the floor. 

happy-new-year

By | 2017-01-01T13:09:21+00:00 January 1st, 2017|Miscellaneous mattiness, Uncategorized|2 Comments

The Society for Recovering Doormats turns 4 today.

Four years ago today, I began my site on Facebook.  A few months later I expanded to this blog site.  In late November of 2014 My Life as a Doormat, a novel I’d spent 10 years developing, was published

In 2015 I started my book tour, many signings and events at Barnes and Nobles in Florida.  I also opened an on-line-store on Cafe Press. I’m a little technology challenged, but by some miracle by the end of 2015 I managed to get onto most social media platforms. I also began work on my second novel; a sequel to My Life as a Doormat.

During 2016 I continued touring in Florida, and included New Jersey, New York City and Asheville North Carolina.  August’s highlight was being interviewed on a PBS TV show called Between The Covers. Since I was an actor long before writing, I was very excited to do the show, and my interest for getting back into ‘show biz’ renewed.

So here I am, 4 years, a book, and 70, 400 followers later, wondering what to do next?

Many thanks to all sharing my vision and  supporting my journey.

4 years old

By | 2016-10-23T17:44:26+00:00 October 23rd, 2016|Miscellaneous mattiness|2 Comments