Declaring your choices by speaking up is vital for all people pleasers. Use your voice to perpetuate or negate. For initiating or terminating. You have a right to agree or refute. All vocalized decisions enable recovery from doormatism.
The only decision keeping you stuck in doormat mode is remaining silent.
What is a true friend? Many claim this title, but how many are mere acquaintances, people we know in passing ? Or people who disappear when we’re struggling? Or become belligerent, hostile and toxic when we express different opinions. Perhaps some are adversaries, hiding their true agendas; like wolves in sheep clothing. Or friends using our failures and disappointments to bolster their egos.
Today, more than ever, it’s necessary to know who’s with you. In this chaotic climate of change and uncertainty, one thing is absolutely vital: True friends.
A true friend loves you at your worst, and celebrates your bests.
There are times when we can take action, make a positive difference by standing up and speaking out and bring about a significant, effective change. But there are those times when all we can do is keep breathing, waiting for the storm to pass.
Thank you to all who visit, comment and share The Society for Recovering Doormats. Wishing everyone a safe, peaceful, healthy and happy new year. Sending big hugs and much love to all. *Ivy Tobin aka Rose Gardner.
For newbies here: *Ivy Tobin aka Rose Gardner: I am an author and Rose is my alter ego. I use her strength to help others stand up and speak out and realize they are not alone.
We’re all standing up and speaking out together. Rose can always lead the way, sometimes as a conduit for all struggling. Or just someone to reach out to on-line when no one else will listen.
Ivy is a recovering doormat, trying my best my best to stay off the floor.
The Department of Homeland Security has a color-coded terrorism alert system. Red, the highest level, means a severe risk of terrorist attacks. The lowest level, green, means low risk of terrorist attacks. Between those are Blue (guarded risk), yellow (significant) and then there is orange (high). There is a lesser known and very subtleearly warning sign you may be dating a toxic personthat you never hear about. It’s not quite the level of a red alert, but it is definitely in the orange to the red range andit should put you on high alert that you are in danger ofbeing at the very least, emotionally abused, bya toxic person, narcissist or sociopath. It’s a tacticcalled Subtle Ignoring. It is generally a precursor to full-blown narcissistic abuse.
As a kid in the 1970’s, I loved Star Wars. But that’s not why I loved Carrie Fisher. To me, Carrie Fisher was more than Princess Leia, an icon from my childhood. She was a strong, outspoken, honest and creative woman. She was a role model.
Carrie Fisher was a writer who shared her struggle with mental illness and addiction, but she did it with humility and humor. Sharing her story allowed others to laugh at their own struggles. She inspired me to write honestly. Speak the truth and don’t apologize, unless you really screwed up, then shout “I’m Sorry” with all your heart. And Carrie wasn’t afraid to fight. When people made fun of her for gaining weight it hurt, but she didn’t hide. Squaring her shoulders she responded with her usual strength and humor, and a loud “Fuck you.”
How many times have we accepted others views without question? Allowed their thoughts to reign supreme and leave our own opinions unspoken. Or IF we speak out, and our ideas are met with disapproval, contempt, and invalidated, remain silent and allow others to feed our self-doubts.
People pleasers, aka doormats, accept others negative views as absolute truth because we’re programmed not to make waves, or disagree. Stuffing down our own feelings and opinions is harmful and results in self-doubt, low self-esteem and inordinate amounts of stress. Allowing other people’s thoughts and values to govern our lives is dangerous because it determines our self-worth.
STOP listening to other people.
Being aware of this pitfall is an important step in recovering from doormatism. Knowing that other’s value judgements don’t matter is freeing! Validating our own efforts, accomplishments and self-worth is all that’s important.
The world is in flux, with nothing certain or guaranteed except more confusion and uncertainty. During these turbulent times we must not give up hope. Now, more than ever, it is vital keeping our priorities straight and not participate in dramas we can’t control.
Focus on what we can do to help bring forth a better and brighter tomorrow.
Connect with like-minded people and let the rest go.
Obsessing doesn’t have a positive outcome, yet it’s one of the top ten behaviors all people pleasing doormats engage in. The only thing ruminating will do is get and keep us stuck. Repeating the same thought over and over, without a solution renders us powerless and stagnant.
If you’re feeling stuck, please read these 7 suggestions for un-sticking yourself and moving forward.