Yesterday I had lunch with a ‘D’ Lister friend from my early doormat days in Manhattan; Judy. I barely recognized her when she entered the restaurant forty three minutes after I’d arrived. Dressed beautifully and with an air of confidence, I wondered if she was the SAME Judy I’d waited tables and checked coats with decades ago. After air kissing hello, we sat down in a back booth and began catching up.
Ten minutes into our visit Judy complained about the draft from the air conditioning vents and we table hopped until she was satisfied. Judy wasn’t a doormat anymore, she was confident and poised while she sent her soup back (twice). Didn’t she remember what WE did when a customer complained? “Do you wanna spit in it Rose, or is it my turn?”. We’d laugh and then watch the poor unsuspecting schmuck eat the food we had gleefully violated.
Judy the Doormat was now Judy the Bold. She’d raised up off the floor and elevated onto the ‘B’ List, but obviously forgotten how risky sending back food was.
After the initial flood of conversation, table changing and food complaining Judy spent the remainder of our visit Tex-ting & talking on her iPhone. I sat silently suspecting my former comrade on the ‘D’ list wasn’t a ‘B’ Lister. No, she’d fallen into a dangerous trap that so many recovering doormats are vulnerable to. Judy was an ‘A’ Lister. She was ‘all about her’ and her behavior threw me right back on my mat.
Her abrupt exit after an “Oh my word, I’m running so late Rose, I have another appointment!” confirmed my suspicion. Appointment? When had our lunch date turn into a business meeting?
I watched Judy trot off in her four inch heels and my heart sank. We didn’t have any thing in common. She had cringed when I reminisced about our days in Manhattan and changed the subject. Judy, once a sweet, caring doormat had transformed into a rude, self absorbed ‘A’ Lister and a complete stranger.
Rose’s recovery rule # 8 – As you evolve off the ‘D’ List, be careful not to fall into the trap of becoming an ‘A’ Lister. Never forget that those ‘A’s are the ones responsible for putting us on on the ‘D’ List in the first place.
‘Til next time,
Stand up & speak out!